I’m beyond worried about placing my mom in a nursing home during this present Covid pandemic.... I’m afraid she’ll give up.

Your mother didn't want to move out of her home. You state on your profile that one of the reasons she gave is that she likes her own space. Don't you think she might in fact be a lot more comfortable with having her own room, her own door, her own "territory" if you like, than she is sharing a home with you and your husband?

What sort of facilities are you considering? Have you talked to your mother about this?

I'm puzzled by a few details. You say your mother has "early" Alzheimers dementia; but if it's early, how are you taking these major life decisions for her against her own wishes? You also list quite a number of other health difficulties. What kind of professional support are you getting towards her care?

Altogether I wonder if you're feeling too much responsibility for factors which actually aren't within your control. It must be incredibly stressful for you, and you're setting yourself up to fail, too.

I agree with polar bear 100 percent!!! Your husband comes first!! Your mom even told you that she didn’t want to live with you because she didn’t want to be a burden. Start looking for nursing homes that will take her in. I’m in New York also. Check around and see if you can get her into a facility ASAP!! Your husband comes first!!

Barb- your mother is sucking the life from your husband, that means she is essentially killing him. Why are you not doing something about it?

If this was his mom living in your house sucking the life out of you, would you want your husband to be on the fence as to what to do?

If you were your mother living with one of your kids and you were sucking the life out of your kid's spouse, what would you do if you were in your right mind? Would you want your kid to be a widow/er or divorcee and when you die, your kid will be all alone?

Barbrany3, you husband has priority over your mother. If your mother, who is currently living with you, is already saying she "finds no joy in life anymore" while under your roof, why do you think that keeping her in your home will be of any help to her? At least in a facility they will have activities and more socializing. I totally understand your concern about placing her, especially during covid, but there doesn't seem to be any other good options. Have you considered adult daycare, if any are open and your mom has the financial resources for it? This may be a transitional step that will ease things in your mind. Please check to see if your state is now allowing "essential caregivers" access to their LOs in facilities during covid. This is new in my state (MN) as of June. You will be able to go into the facility to be with her for a certain amount of time every day if desired. I wish you peace in your heart for whatever you decide.