My mom lived with me for years and is now in a nursing home. Her credit cards keep calling our home number. Any suggestions?

I don't wish to denigrate or challenge JoAnn's advice; she's a good, faithful and knowledgeable contributor.

But I did some legal research back in the day when I dealt with some debt collectors, and more recently when someone with a similar name in Detroit was stiffing AT&T and they concluded that Detroit and the suburb in which I live were the same.   So they were harassing me.   I also had experience when a scumbag gave my parents and my information to his debt collectors and we were harrassed.

One of the suggestions from the legal (as in law firm) sites I researched was to give NO MORE information than denial of the debt.    Reason:  if they sense that you're trying to explain, it gives them leverage to pressure you more, to try to get you to admit to details you don't want to share.   Another reason is based on the FDCPA of what information you may or may not be required to give.

And do EVERYTHING in writing!   This is mandatory.    Debt collectors aren't negotiators; they're bloodhounds (except JoAnn, of course!), and they'll use any information they can get.   

Do NOT attempt to negotiate with them; it solves nothing and only gives them more leverage.

Several issues here, from a legal perspective:

1.    Are you an "authorized co-signer" or "authorized user"?   Read this helpful, explanatory article to determine the difference, and, specifically, whether you have any liability for the outstanding balance:

https://www.bankrate.com/finance/credit-cards/how-to-cosign-credit-card/

2.    I have the feeling you're getting the bills, but don't have any signatory authority, which is better for you.   Is this the case?  You're just trying to do the right thing in dealing with the credit card issuer?

3.    Either way, you should acquaint yourself with the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act:

Statutory language of the Act:
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/15/chapter-41/subchapter-V

If you want explanations, and they're easier than to try to read statutes unless you're in the legal field, these will help:

a.   This is a good interpretation and concise explanation of the FDCPA's terms:

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/debt-collection-faqs

4.    Stopping the harassment, written and by phone:

a.    See "Can debt collectors contact me any time or any place?' and
"How can I stop a debt collector from contacting me?" in the citation for the FTC.

Send each collector a letter; f you have a word processor use that, send a signed copy and make a copy of that for yourself to keep for reference.  Send the original by certified mail, or registered mail if you wish.     But you want to make sure you have a signed card reflecting delivery to the debt collector.

b.   More than likely the debt collector will ignore the letter and continue to contact and harass you.  You can ignore the letters, save them, and file a complaint with the federal entities listed under

"Where do I report a debt collector for an alleged violation?"   

Given the current pandemic, I don't know how overloaded federal agencies  might be and/or if they have the time to take action against noncompliant debt collectors.    But you want to establish that you're not responsible for the debt and will NOT pay it.

c.    What you should do though is NOT contact the collectors again, don't answer the phone and don't initiate contact.  You too need to comply with the FDCPA.

5.    Sometimes the collectors will respect the "no liability" notice, sometimes not.  Sometimes the debt is sold to real scumbags who will harass and attempt to intimidate you.    You might have to write a secondary letter advising that you'll "take action" to address their intimidation and breach of FDCPA  compliance, but don't specify anything that holds you to specific action.

6.    I'm going to disagree with Alva's typically wise advice, and suggest that the OP handle the issue herself, unless she's confident that any proxy would do the same as she would.    A proxy isn't generally in the same line of fire as a relative would be, and might even consider how to apply payments to the debt.

No offense, Alva; I've just been through some annoying experiences with debt collectors, including one who harassed my father for a few years notwithstanding the fact that I provided the legally correct notifications.    The issue was over an alleged magazine subscription which my father decided not to renew!

When the initial company couldn't get anything, it sold the debt, and another group of collectors began harassing my father.   Even if I wasn't proxy, I wouldn't have allowed anyone else to act on behalf of my father, because (and this sounds arrogant but it's not intended to be), they had no legal knowledge or legal experience and would simply have allocated funds and paid the debt, which wasn't even a legitimate debt.


Becky, if you need specific help on writing the FDCPA letter, just post again.

Many phones have call blocking availability. If you have this feature and have not used it, you should consider doing so.

If your mom can pay for the balances on her credit cards then you should help her get that done. She did after all borrow the money and benefit from it.

If she is on Medicaid and has no money to pay, then I would compose a short letter explaining that she is in a NH on Medicaid and is unfortunately unable to repay the money. If she has a house let them know that they can go after her estate when she dies. Further contact of yourself will be considered harassment and dealt with accordingly, tell them their continued calls are destroying your peace of mind. Give them the NH address and phone number. By law they can not harass you and get away with it since you are not on the account. If you are on the account, you are responsible for the bill.

I wanted to add, I had bill collectors calling me over money my son had owed. I was visiting in California at the time and because my area code was in Florida (Central) they were calling me very early in the morning waking everyone up. I explained I had no information to give them and that I was in California so stop calling. They wouldn't. I got on line and found what I thought was a dirt bag lawyer that claimed they could sue them for me. So I gave them permission to handle it. To my upmost surprise the calls stopped. Six months later I got a check that was awarded to me from a class action law suite against the bill collector. Of course the lawyer got most of it but they did all the work. I wish I could remember whom this guy ways that did that for me but we are talking years ago. They are not allowed to call you once you tell them to stop.

If she's in a nursing home how much does she need her credit card? I would be worried someone is fraudulently using it.
Do the bills go to her in the NH?
Next time you visit call the customer service number on the card, or on the bill, and speak to someone. They may want to ask your mother for permission to speak to you about her card. Update the phone info, pay the balance and consider cancelling the card.

Unless mom has the money, and unless she is paying her own nursing home costs, she doesn't, why pay the cards? Children are not responsible for the debts of their parents. What is the worst that can happen? If there is an estate after your mom passes, the creditors may go after payment. In the meantime, why protect your mom's credit? If bills haven't been paid since December her credit is already trashed. Not many people in a nursing home need good credit.

I had the same problem when my sister passed away. We’d lived together for 15 years. They’d tell me I needed to do this or that and I told them right back that I didn’t need to do anything!

download. WHOSCALL from the App Store. It’s free.

they have a database of thousands of spam numbers and also bill collectors. Your phone won’t ring unless it’s a number that hasn’t been reported yet

then you report the number and it won’t ring again once you’ve reported it. It will go to voicemail directly.

best of luck and warm wishes to your Mom!

I’ve been using it for over a year!

Your phone company has legal obligations to you regarding such nuisance calls. If you have not already done so, write down the names of the companies who call, with the name of the person you speak to. Tell them very clearly that the person they are trying to reach is not at the number they are calling. Then tell them that you will take legal action if there are any more harassing calls from their company. Write down the date on your list. If they call again, contact your phone carrier and make a formal complaint. Your phone company should follow through.

Do not explain that the person they are calling is your mother. Do not tell them she used to live with you. The only information to which they are entitled is that the number they are calling is not a number where their debtor can be reached. For those who have left messages, send letters. If all else fails, (or if you have already done this) change your number. Your carrier should do this for no charge. It is a bit of a hassle to change your contact number for all the companies with whom you do business. Calling your friends and relatives is not so much of a hassle. Chances are you need to catch up with some of them anyway. Best of all, you will be rid of the nagging phone calls and get a little peace in your life. It sounds like you need that.

I found that when I changed my number, it took me only a few hours to update all of my accounts on the internet. (Don't forget your insurance company. Easy to overlook as you only deal with them once or twice per year.) Phone calls to friends and relatives were stretched out over a week and presented a nice chance to visit with some whom I rarely visit. It was also a nice opportunity to forego informing a few charities I no longer supported and a very few former friends that were no longer a meaningful part of my life.

I found that changing my number made me feel more in control of my life. Overall the experience was a very good one. I now use only a cell phone. All of my closest friends and relatives have one ringtone. The next tier of contacts has another ringtone. The default ringtone is only for people not in my contact list. I never answer that unless I am expecting a call from a doctor's office or business and the area code and prefix match the location. I feel so much more free now that I have broken a very old habit of feeling the need always to answer the phone. I hope something similar will come your way. Good luck and peace to you.

Just know you are not responsible for her debt unless you were a signature on the credit cards If you want them to stop bothering you with phone calls -

I suggest contacting them and informing creditors she has no money and no intension of paying, if you do for some reason feel obligated to pay them you can negotiate a sizable discount and pay from your own funds , but you are not obligated to do so.