Mom giving away 1000s every month to charities sending requests for donations. She has dementia and lives alone. They won’t stop. What to do?
My mom lives alone and gives away 1000s in donations a month. I’ve contacted 100s of them asking to stop mailings but they don’t and her money keeps going out the door. She says she will stop but forgets and continues to donate. What to do?
Make an appointment with a family law/elder law attorney immediately. Those attorneys are well-versed in handling discussions with you and your mom, and will be able to tell you whether or not she is understands and is still competent enough to sign a durable POA both medical and financial.
Explain to your mother that you want to help her but that you need the legal authority to do so. Explain the appointment with the attorney. I would record the conversation and ask her to give you her checkbook so that you can balance it for her. If she agrees, gather all her checks and account statements. Put a note where she keeps these things stating "Mom, you gave me your checks and financial statements for safe keeping." This process is heartbreaking.
Make the appointment for the time of day that your mother is the most "with it". If the attorney says that she cannot understand and cannot sign, then you must get guardianship/conservatorship. That will require a letter from her doctor stating that she is no longer competent. It is a very public process and everyone will know that she's no longer in charge. You ought to be upfront with her about that if she refuses to go to the attorney with you.
There needs now to be a POA doe financial. If this was not done and Mom is no longer competent to do it, then it will need to be done by conservatorship or guardianship to protect your Mom's monies. Many seniors are wiped out completely by predators. Mom can continue to have her personal spending account.
Both the Better Business Bureau and Charity Navigator have tips on their websites for getting solicitations to stop. Your bigger problem is that you need to be proactive and take over mom’s finances. With dementia she can’t be responsible for paying bills and handling money any longer. I took over my dad’s in his last months, didn’t ask him at all, it just became necessary and he accepted it, even thanked me for it. It may not go down as easily for you but it’s necessary now
Get her to give you control of the money. Put a change of address in and then you can deliver the mail she should be getting.
I would send letters to every single charity and call them out for soliciting financial donations from vulnerable seniors after they have been contacted to stop contacting her. Make the problem known to the corporate office.
The biggest problem is that the solicitations come from professional companies and your call goes to a different company, no communication between the two to put a stop to this. You also have city, state, regional and national branches of a lot of these charities, so getting it stopped at one level does nothing for the others.
Good luck getting control over this situation. It is so heartbreaking to see our seniors exploited like this.
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Explain to your mother that you want to help her but that you need the legal authority to do so. Explain the appointment with the attorney. I would record the conversation and ask her to give you her checkbook so that you can balance it for her. If she agrees, gather all her checks and account statements. Put a note where she keeps these things stating "Mom, you gave me your checks and financial statements for safe keeping." This process is heartbreaking.
Make the appointment for the time of day that your mother is the most "with it". If the attorney says that she cannot understand and cannot sign, then you must get guardianship/conservatorship. That will require a letter from her doctor stating that she is no longer competent. It is a very public process and everyone will know that she's no longer in charge. You ought to be upfront with her about that if she refuses to go to the attorney with you.
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I would send letters to every single charity and call them out for soliciting financial donations from vulnerable seniors after they have been contacted to stop contacting her. Make the problem known to the corporate office.
The biggest problem is that the solicitations come from professional companies and your call goes to a different company, no communication between the two to put a stop to this. You also have city, state, regional and national branches of a lot of these charities, so getting it stopped at one level does nothing for the others.
Good luck getting control over this situation. It is so heartbreaking to see our seniors exploited like this.