Bladder cancer in 90's. Treat?

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/i-just-learned-that-my-92-year-old-father-has-bladder-cancer-he-has-been-peeing-blood-461403.htm

Here is your first post. You received some good answers here.

Readabook
It is sad. A poor design plan but we all have to work with it.
I second Barbs opinion on reading “Being Mortal”. It’s a great book and can help you adjust to the realities and gently lead dad to do the same.
If you google Atul Gawande’s Five Questions you will find several articles, interviews.
It could help you before Wednesday. It might be helpful to start the conversation with dad a bit before the appointment. Give him a chance to think about what you are asking.
BTW, No decisions have to be made on Wednesday but you could advance the situation with his doctor and see if he seems like one you and dad can work with. It’s also like Alva said. Need to drill down a bit with dad and see how he wants to spend his final years. Deep breaths. Your energy will feed dad’s.
Also, if it helps, ask dad about the documents now. You could use the visit as an excuse if dad is the type to be reluctant on making them available.
“dad, let’s see if those docs you signed are still in order, in case we need them”.
It’s nice to have someone to lean on a bit in times of uncertainty. If he sees your mom has someone to protect then all the more reason to have things in good order.
Let us know how it goes. We care and learn from one another.

Will he let you go to the appt Wednesday? If so, go, ask questions but make sure your dad is being heard as to what he wants. Does he WANT major treatment? Or is he OK with letting nature take it's course? I think either are valid options, especially at his age.

I mean if it were me, I would do some natural things and be looking at palliative care. I think chemo, etc. at this point of life may not be in the patient's best interest.

Good luck.

Speak with the doctor. There are some treatments now that involve medications by mouth, that are not overly taxing to the system, and that may prolong life and prevent complications. A good oncologist specializing in this unique field can be worth a whole lot in terms of guidance, and you already know where you DON'T want to go in quality of life. You may get an honest opinion from a good specialist. I just heard interesting segment on NPR today about how when people enter age they are no longer asked what they THEMSELVES want. You say that your Dad thinks this is taken care of. Fine. But now is the time to ask him what he wants for the future should it recur, how much in terms of treatment versus exiting with the comfort of hospice. You will know soon enough if he doesn't wish to discuss it.

Are you privy to what was discussed about prognosis and treatment options proposed by his doctors?

If you don't have this information, you are setting yourself up to spin on a hamster wheel. Your dad is in charge here if he is mentally competent.

Does dad have documents in place such as financial and medical POA, advanced directives? If not, this is the time to get them done.

Read Atul Gawande's On Being Mortal. Ask dad the questions posed in the book about what he wants his "end game" to look like.