Elderly mother in memory care assisted-living facility complaining of another resident, 40 yo man, entering her room w/o permission. Advice?

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gerh8671 Asked September 2020

Elderly mother in memory care assisted-living facility complaining of another resident, 40 yo man, entering her room w/o permission. Advice?

This man apparently has an “impulse-control” problem. He steals things from her room, comes in during the middle of the night, and yesterday she said he “exposed himself.” Also, my mother desperately wants out and they are giving her sedatives, “as needed.” Which seems to be too often based upon her inability to stay awake during our visits.

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score 1 · Answer 1

There are actually more "young" people in MC than some of you may imagine. In my MILs MC there was a younger man who was very "friendly" and clingy. I have a co worker who's father is in his 50 with early onset ALZ, and they are looking for placement for him at this time. It's a sad thing. And honestly there is someone in every MC who "wanders around" into others rooms, and takes things or "returns" things to the wrong room,, it is the nature of the disease. They can't lock them in.. But I do feel if this guy was "exposing" himself then he needs more supervision.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Maybe mid to late 40s.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I would speak to the head of nursing. This 40YO guy story should be easy to track down

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score 1 · Answer 4

I must assume you have thoroughly checked out this story? And that you have been told that this is a 40 year old resident with poor impulse control. I will also assume that your Mom is not so deeply in dementia that she can be making this up at all (I say this because my bro could have very strong hallucinations in which he could describe entire garden parties outside the window, and an immigrant mom huddled on his floor shielding her child. Somewhere, in his early Lewy's he knew this was not real, but was still so intent on describing it in GREAT detail.
So I am assuming the facility is aware of this. If so it isn't OK that he wanders without supervision taking things and exposing himself. This is now something that must be discussed with administration. If there is no way to protect your Mom and other patients it is time to investigate other living conditions. Sometimes Board and Care with fewer residents (often 6 or 7 each with own room and often CHEAPER than memory care) works better. But what is clear is that if this sort of thing is allowed then this is NOT working.
Try to be non adversarial, speak only to those who have power to change anything, and keep following up on this.

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I believe that my mother is telling the truth. She does have mild dementia, but has complained about this man stealing candy, etc. I asked the CNA if I could bring a bag of candy for him to try and prevent the problem. She said it would probably not work because he has “poor impulse-control.” I met him when my mother was first admitted. He’s very loud and talkative. When my mother told us that he had exposed himself the CNA was obviously embarrassed that my mother had told us. We tried to change the subject. There are 60 residents and it is a locked memory-care unit. One problem is they do not have an administrator now. They have an LPN who is quite young filling in until they find someone. My brother is supposed to be her POA but he lives 25 hours away. I doubt she would tell him anyway.
I guess your advice of “speaking only to those who have power to change is good.” Thank you.

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score 0 · Answer 5

Is there an actual 40 yr old resident?

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Elderly mother in memory care assisted-living facility complaining of another resident, 40 yo man, entering her room w/o permission. Advice?

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