Should I take my mom out?

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Vanursegirl Asked September 2020

Should I take my mom out?

My 86 yo mom has dementia and lives with my dad in independent living at an assisted living. We moved them there from their long time home 9 months ago. My question is should I continue to take my mom out for drives etc which she really enjoys even though when we return she ‘freaks out’ as soon as we start walking in the building and insists she is not going in, says ‘I don’t live here’ and ‘I will not go in there no way’ etc. Obviously this is very distressing to all. Once we coax her back to her bedroom she will settle down but sometimes it is a real battle and I hate causing her this agitation and anxiety thus we have not been going anywhere for a couple months now. Please share your opinions and thoughts! I would say she is getting to end stage but not quite there, recently not liking any food or drink has to be coaxed to eat but can walk unassisted.
Thanks in advance!

Alzheimer's & Dementia Continuing Care Community Dementia Behaviors

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score 0 · Answer 1

I would not take your mom out if it is causing her distress and agitation when she gets back to the facility . I used to take my mother out every other day and she enjoyed it, but when the pandemic hit, she stayed home for 6 months. We went looking for a handicapped van a few weeks ago and she started to cry, I had to take her home then she calmed right down. I take her out for ice cream and a scenic ride a few times per week, she seems to do well for about 2 hours. I will take my mom out as long as she enjoys it and feels comfortable, but if she gets stressed or agitated going out I will no longer do it for her sake.

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score 0 · Answer 2

No. It’s doing more harm than good. Disrupting a daily routine is detrimental for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s, even with good intentions.

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score 1 · Answer 3

If taking mom out causes so much anxiety and distress on her return, stop taking her out. Had to do this with my mom too. Short trips out were just too disorienting for her. Make nice visits in the facility. Have lunch together, play music that is enjoyable to her.

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score 4 · Answer 4

That's a tough situation but is very common and it's a reason many caregivers discontinue taking their LOs out for drives or dinner. Although mom enjoys the drives, is it worth the battle to get her back "home". That's up to you. For me, no. My wife didn't miss not going out and she didn't remember we went out anyway. So do something else that she would like. Reminicsing is an excellent activity. Do you have any scrapbooks she might like looking at and recalling the event or time. Bring some recorded music of her time for her to listen to. Can she still play simple card games or do simple puzzles? You can enjoy these activities with her and eliminate the battles. Good luck.

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Thanks for your response!

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Should I take my mom out?

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