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MalaysiaMuva Asked September 2020

My 64 year old mom just moved in with me. I don’t know what to do.

My mom moved in with me in June because she doesn’t want to live alone anymore. When my siblings traveled out of state to do a well check her house was looking like an episode of hoarders. Because she no longer wants to clean or practice clean hygiene. She tells me that when all of her children moved away it made her feel lonely and fall into depression. Since she has living with me she still doesn’t clean or take bathes. And I try to encourage her to. But my thing is this... isn’t 64 a little to young in the elderly community to be throwing in the towel ? I wish that she could thrive again and live independently. Even if that meant living in an assisted living facility. Because when I ask her to help it seems too overwhelming for her. But the least she can do is clean up after herself. What would you do?

Beatty Sep 2020
Being a good listener like you have been is a great start. What is going on for her? Let her know you are in her team.

Then introduce your Doctor into her team. A good medical checkup to look into & treat the depression & to rule out other illnesses/causes.

You could treat this stay at your place as a holiday - temporary respite from her own home. Maybe a thinking space before resettling, maybe closer to you.. maybe into an assisted living close by?

peace416 Sep 2020
She's a little young for age -related mental changes but it's not out of the question. Sounds like she is very depressed which can occur at any age. She should see her doctor and/or therapist. Does she work, have medical coverage?

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BurntCaregiver Sep 2020
Make her go back to her house. She's only 64? That's not even ready to retire from working yet. If your mom has let her house get like hoarders and she isn't even keeping up on her own hygiene, then it sounds like she's got psychiatric issues and needs some help with that. Try to get her to start going to therapy. There are therapists that specialize in hoarding disorders.

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