My LO is in a memory care facility. I was just told by an aide take him home, he just wants to go home. Should I contact administrator?

We all like to think that professionals, particularly those in the medical field, engage their brains before they open their mouths. Unfortunately, that's not always the case...

My dad died when I was 15. He had a non-malignant brain tumor that started to bleed. It started when he was home - he complained about having a headache, and went to lie down for a little while. When my mom tried to wake him, she couldn't. He was in a coma. He was transported to the hospital. Once there, one of the internists in the hospital (not my dad's neurologist) upon examining my father asked my mother "What did you do to him!?" She dealt with that guilt for a long, long time even though my dad's neurologist assured her that there would have been nothing anyone could have done to save him.

What that aide said to you was totally reprehensible! Unprofessional doesn't even begin to describe it! I'm sure your LO is not the first person in this facility who wants to go home, and I'm sure he won't be the last.

If I were you, if this aide makes a comment like that again, tell her that. Ask her "Why, is my dad the first person here that you've cared for who wants to go home? Maybe if you can't handle comments like that YOU should find a different line of work."

You don't owe this woman any explanation as to your decision to place you LO, which I'm sure was one of the more difficult decisions you have ever had to make! It's your responsibility to make sure he's safe and cared for, and you have done so. You are grieving, which is understandable, but rest assured you have done nothing about which to feel guilty.

(((hugs)))

They ALL want to go home.

We had problems with the aides saying "You're right, you don't need memory care." They were just doing it so he would calm down and cooperate with whatever task they were trying to do.

It's just a matter of education. The administrator should have the aide attend (or re-attend) some workshops on dementia and better ways to interact with the patients.

Tell the administrator. The aide just needs better information. If he or she really thinks every elder belongs at home, maybe a job as a home care aide would be more appropriate for them.

Yes, the aide was out of line. She does not know all the circumstances that went into making your decision, and she should not comment without your asking for her input. He may want to come home, but the truth is the aide is not helping the situation one bit by chiming in. Instead, the aide is making it even more difficult.

Be kind and reasonable, but also remember that if the aide is saying this to you, one must wonder what is being said to others! Please do report her comment - either so the aide is reprimanded or let go - neither of which would be your fault.

My goodness............care giving 101 = knowing that a dementia resident is CONSTANTLY going to be talking about 'going home', which can mean a wide variety of things, and should be handled professionally, not by calling the offspring to advise taking them home!!! The ED/administrator DEFINITELY needs to know about this situation so the CG can be trained properly to deal with his/her charges moving forward. They need to at least watch some Teepa Snow videos and take some online courses which most ALFs provide to their employees as a REQUIREMENT for working there. Basic training in dementia is a necessity if a resident is to get the proper treatment. Express YOUR frustration and displeasure of the handling of this situation; it was extremely unprofessional and you should NEVER have received such a call.

Best of luck!

If you've been on this site for longer than a month you probably know that the "home" he referred to may not even be the one he spent the last 50 years in, but the one he grew up in. A lot of us have heard our parents ask to go home while they were home. Someone working in memory care really should understand that, and understand that memory care is what you do when you can't keep your eyes on them and explain that they are home constantly and keep them safe.

The aide is hired to care for her clients and not to give her opinion. Please address this with management and give them name of aide, day and time conversation occurred. If the aide does this to you, he/she probably does this to other family members.

I am glad to hear that you sent an email to the administrator about the situation and that she said the issue would be addressed.

Sometimes inexperienced (or young) health care workers become too emotionally involved in their residents' lives and they don't think about the consequences of their comments or their actions.

Please do not feel guilty that you had to place your LO in a facility. You did what was/is best for him. {{{HUGS}}}

Definitely contact the administrator. The aide is in search of a new career and doesn't realize it.

I’d find out the aide’s motive in telling you this. There could be many reasons and I’d want to know what they were. Would it mean one less person to care for? Was it a warning that the care there isn’t what it should be? Try to find out why he/she said this, and the you’ll know if you need to seek help and clarification higher up

Anyone living in a facility, with or without dementia, wants to go home. My question is this - if they have dementia, are YOU willing and able to put up with all of the problems, needs and bad behaviors of these people. Do you realize how much YOUR life will be impacted? Don't do it. They are where they belong if they have dementia. Think of your own life and needs first if they are in a safe place. Do NOT take them home.