My mum just won’t make conversation. It’s exhausting trying to get her to talk. Any ideas?

Maybe cut down on daily visits? Maybe every other day? Even if she had all of her cognitive abilities, no one has new things to talk about every single day. I'd be bored too!

Then don’t talk for a response , show her things, pictures, tell her things, stories, read, put some music on and sing or sit in silence and enjoy the break from your crazy busy life.

she might not be able to understand all the words you say but she still understands smiles and the emotions in your tone of voice.

I have lost all real adult communication with my mother 4 years ago this coming January from a massive stroke, i showed her a picture on my phone last night of the retirement houses we are thinking of buying, told her all about them, it was for me not her, she seem to enjoy looking at them till she tried to eat my phone. 😂 It was comical makes me wonder how many times I did that to her as an infant.

basically honey try to enjoy the love you are giving her.

My mother talks but not always converses. The other day I called her and I had her college yearbook in front of me. I asked her about her classmates, her sorority, and her professors. That got her talking nonstop for a solid 45 minutes.

Try having a subject or two at hand to talk about, and don't worry about what she can or can't contribute. Also, if she has dementia, reruns of topics are perfectly fine.

You have a great deal of information in your profile, thank you for taking time to complete it. Please know that you are not responsible for providing care to your mother, especially after a childhood of abuse.

You will not be able to make her more communicative. She no longer has that capacity. You can talk to her, you can play music or the radio, but you do not have to talk to her.

What you need to understand is Mom can't process anymore. You are probably done with a sentence and Mom is still on the first word or two? Her shortterm is effected, she probably no longer reasons nor can she comprehend. How does she do with her ADLs. Do u live close? There will come a time when Mom can't be left alone. Have u planned for that?

For now, just keep your sentences short. Do not elaborate. Only give her a couple of choices. Don't ask what she wants, its hard for her to get ideas together. Eventually, I didn't give Mom a choice, I just ordered what I know she liked. She was happy.

Mom is the same way. She can only carry on a real conversation for a few minutes and then the words she's looking for are gone.

I know this frustrates her, and I know also that I am not the 'kid' she wants to be talking to, so I keep my visits very, very short and far between.

Mom has music on all day, or the TV and that fills the 'vacancy'. If I thought she could manage an Alexa, I'd get her one, but I know she'd go crazy with it. For some elders it may be great--books on audio, music they choose, etc.

Go for a drive, if she likes. There's plenty to ramble on about during a car drive.

Whether she speaks or not she will still continue to lose words. I think this is a matter of educating yourself on her stage of dementia. Eventually there is no recognition and no communication. I am sorry. This has to be so heartbreaking and difficult for you. Try to make her a small album of large pictures of the family, especially from her younger years. This may elicit no more than some facial recognition, but anything to spark something in her mind will help YOU. And I stress the YOU, because Mom may be in a world we cannot know about, and may be in no pain in that world, as much as it hurts you. I encourage reading all the latter works of Oliver Sacks whose working premise, having studied the mind in trouble all his career was that they DO have a world; just not a world we can understand. Another book, a novel by a woman who worked with memory care patients for some time, is called STILL TIME by Jean Hegland, which sees the world through the eyes of a professor in memory care.

How about play some music, look at family pictures or just enjoy the quiet sharing time with her. Take her outside to enjoy the sounds of nature if you can.

I don't think there is any way to make her more responsive. And there is no need to fill the room with constant talking. If your mother is not responding to what you are telling her, then it is probably unnecessary. I would tell her what's new, ask her how she is doing (does she respond to questions?), sit quietly for a while and eventually end the visit. The silence might be awkward at first, but I think you'll get used to it.