Father in law is stubborn and combative. We aren't sure if he's behaving this way on purpose or not?

Get his Dr. to give him something mild to deal with his anxiety. The V.A. is only admitting non assisted vets into a V.A. facility and he requires more care. He can get aid and attendance from the V.A. for help in home plus his rehab. Sounds like he is not handling his "disability". The V.A. has a psycologist...but he can give him something for his "anger or..." then he can help him. Sounds like a goal would be to determine if his disability is real and at the same time deal with his anxiety or?.

Since your profile states he has dementia, was he given an actual test by a doctor? If so, take it as fact that he is in cognitive decline and not doing anything "on purpose" (to what end? what's in it for him to behave this way if he doesn't have dementia??). If he hasn't had a test, please take for one, and also for a UTI as these are very common in the elderly and often have no other symptoms than behavior changes and confusion. Antibiotics will clear it up, but always be on the look-out for more.

Your profile states he has a Dementia. Thats your answer. He probably should not have been driving or living alone. Dementia is unpredictable. Good one day, bad the next. He probably can't understand what is happening to him or does and is fighting it all the way.

In my opinion besides shortterm memory loss they lose the ability to reason early on. It takes them longer to process what is being said. Once when Mom was in the hospital I requested that no doctors or nurses discuss her care with her because she would not understand them. I walked into her room to find 2 student nurses explaining her care as my Mom looked on with that blind look on her face. I told them she has no idea what your telling her. They can no longer comprehend.

You could try setting boundries. Depends how far he is in the Dementia. Just because he is husbands father doesn't mean he should be allowed to be ungrateful. It is your home. Another problem is people suffering from Dementia get self-centered and can show no empathy.

Hopefully you can get the VA thing moving and be able to place him in one of their homes. Because this will get worse.