I have been elected to take care of my mom and step dad. Mom has dementia and my step dad is losing it too. Where do I start?

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aahuntkl56 Asked September 2020

I have been elected to take care of my mom and step dad. Mom has dementia and my step dad is losing it too. Where do I start?

It started a couple of yrs ago. I was given this job of taking care of their banking and cleaning up the big financial disorder that my step dad created. I didn't have a clue what was in store for me in the yrs ahead.
To my surprise when I took over on their money, I was also taking charge of their meds. That's when things started getting really strange.
Both of them had been taking a large amount of meds and the thing that really was off... Nether one of them could tell me what all those pills were for or why they were taking so many every day.
That was just the beginning of dealing with their Dr.'s
It has not been easy for me or anyone else, meaning, my step dad has been the most needy person I've ever known.
I really do need some help too . I don't know where to start. It's only me that has to deal with everything. The reality of it is that mom is 88 yrs old, she has dementia, this is really hard mentally for me to understand. We are getting very low on relatives. All of them have passed away.
I have talked to some people from here about my issues. It seems to be a problem as soon as I tell them that my step dad is on disability. State disability, which isn't very much and mom was a stay at home mom so she gets a little bit.
I am disabled too, with all the issues that come along with bad back, hips and legs.
My name is Adrienne. I live in Clearlake, Cal.

Elder Law Family Caregiver

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score 0 · Answer 1

I agree you need to unelect yourself, sounds like you cant do the physical labor needed.

see if the doctor is willing to put them on hospice care, they will come out and help with the physical labor part. You can learn a lot from the staff that comes to help.

have you contacted their social worker? They might be able to help.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Did you get to vote in this election? I assume that if you took over their finances you must be their POA. A disabled person especially with your issues can't physically & efficiently care for 2 elderly persons. Have you filled for Medicaid for them? Are you being paid to care for them? What is your life outside of caring for them like? You need to call each doctor and ask for assistance in getting help for them using their money. Before you call, have in mind what their & your needs are. Do they have a social worker or case manager who can help you? Do you need help at home to care for them or do you need help placing them in a facility? She would need a Memory Care facility. Are all his family members dead? If not, turn his care over to them, unless you have his POA & can't do it for himself.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Over your head, sweetie; the advice you just read is very good!

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score 3 · Answer 4

I agree with Countrymouse. You are going to have to un-elect yourself. You will have to give over care to the State if it comes to that, just as thought there WERE no relatives. You cannot continue in care with your limitations. Do know that were there no relatives the State would take care of you Mom and Stepdad. But with you doing it they have no reason to step in. They honestly don't "care" that you are unable to do it, and won't SEE that as long as you DO it.
As Countrymouse say, the important thing is to address this NOW, on Monday, and with those who can help you, because no one here can be of any real help to you. So sorry for all you are going through.

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score 4 · Answer 5

Start here:

https://www.mendocinocounty.org/government/health-and-human-services-agency/social-services/adult-aging-services/area-agency-on-aging-aaa

You will see all sorts of links for all sorts of advice. If I were you I'd start with a telephone call because that way a real person can direct you to the best advice for your circumstances.

The one thing you mustn't do is wait much longer! Do it on Monday morning :)

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score 7 · Answer 6

Unelect yourself. You're disabled, and in no position to do hands on caregiving.

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I have been elected to take care of my mom and step dad. Mom has dementia and my step dad is losing it too. Where do I start?

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