I have a friend (really, just an acquaintance) who struggles with OCD, among many other things, but the OCD is really the worst thing, at present. She has been to drs, in fact goes to so many I don't know how she keeps them straight.
As she has talked to me, she confessed she has major OCD and it keeps her from functioning on a daily basis. She said it takes her 4-6 HOURS to get dressed for the day, b/c she has to look a certain way or she will not leave her house. She has a small sore on her lower lip, she had to remove all the makeup from it before I could even see it and she was sobbing and saying "I have to do my foundation many times over to cover this horrible thing". (I walk around with literally no makeup on most days, and so it is really hard for me to get in her mindset). It was a tiny scar from a chicken pox. Seriously. But to her, it's ruining her life.
She can't see a Dr. before 2 pm b/c it takes her so long to get ready. She is OCD about her appearance, but nothing else. Her home is a total wreck and she takes her mail (bills and all) and puts them in garbage bags.
She has been prescribed meds for the OCD but doesn't fill the scrips or take the meds b/c she says she can't afford them.
My ?? What programs are there for people who cannot afford their meds? I'm in Utah, and I have been doing a little searching for her, but I don't know what's been prescribed and so I can't hazard a guess as to what she's supposed to be on.
She is on disability, her husband wants to divorce her and will not pay for anything for her, so she is really up a creek. He recently lost his job, so they have no healthcare coverage (altho even when she DID, she didn't fill these meds).
I do NOT want to get dragged into her drama any more than I already have been. She has more issues and problems than anyone I know. She's exhausting and wearing out her aunt (my BFF). She's been begging her aunt to let her move in, and that will never happen. She's 54, not a child, and I guess has always had a lot of health issues. Her psych doc refuses to see her until she takes her meds, but she says she cannot afford them.
Her aunt is in her 70's and not really knowledgeable about ANY kind of meds, so she simply has her over to visit to get out of her toxic home environment once a week.
I must say that I take all she says with a huge grain of salt. But if I can help her somehow, to find her meds at reduced or even free, that may help her be able to settle down a little.
I'm being careful and not getting too involved with her. She's not my problem to 'fix' and so far, any 'advice' I have offered has been met with total resistance, so I just listen to her for a few hours and go home.
Hopefully someone out there will have a starting point to helping her.
Thanks in advance!
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Until she will agree to take her medications nothing that you or anyone does will help her. She has to want to help herself.
I would step away from this and do not get sucked into this vortex. I would advise her aunt to do the same. (although it is more difficult with family) the last thing your BFF needs is to have this woman move in.
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No, your friend should not take her in. Not even if the woman says just for a few days, a week, a month. She will never get rid of her. If husband does divorce her and they have been married a number of years, he may have to pay her alimony depending on the state. There is HUDD housing, low income housing. Group homes.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. I have a friend and at 71 she now is living in a NH and she is dying. But that is not the reason she is there. She is there because her boys estraged themselves for probably good reasons. Now she needs 24/7 care and no one willing to do it. She was too good to ride the Senior bus and Medicaid in home, didn't want a stranger in her house. Expected too much out of friends who have families of their own. It was always someone else's fault. I am still waiting for an apology even though I have sent books, cards and flowers to her since being in the NH. There is some mental things going on too.
Office of Aging maybe able to help her with the Medicaid application.
You are someone who cares too much. That can be both good and bad.
Take a lesson from the professionals, which is:
1) " Her psych doc refuses to see her until she takes her meds, but she says she cannot afford them". Refuse to see her.
2) A 'therapy' or psychiatric visit lasts an hour. However, it usually lasts 45-55 minutes. There is a limit for a reason. Limit the time you listen to her.
3) You could support the medication plan by informing your friend that you can no longer listen to her woes unless she takes her medication. You can confront her that it is just not true, she has a false belief and that there are truly free or low-cost meds available through insurance. Even more due to Covid.
4) Get a professional involved (social worker/case worker) to help her apply for prescription drug coverage (Medicare Part D).
Look up things online that can help you decrease your ("stress" they call it) by limiting contact with some people who refuse to help themselves. It is called: "Self-will run rampant".
If your 'friend/acquaintance' is a believer, confront her with love.
The one thing that is believable about her story is that she struggles terribly, and without medication she may continue to be unable to box her way out of a paper bag. imo. She is also not sharing with you the things you need to know to help her.
If she is on disability, her disability income is to be used for her needs only. Even if her husband is her rep-payee to receive her funds, he must spend that money on her needs. It is fraud to divert that money or withold it, or use it for himself. Maybe she requires a publicly appointed fiduciary as rep-payee. You are being played if you cannot know the whole picture.
Can you imagine how much her husband is receiving on his unemployment insurance with the federal benefit of an added $600? If you don't want to go there, and don't want to be pulled into her drama, then stop now. For your health.
I'm not really 'sucked into' her life as I am simply a listening ear and while my BFF and "M" are talking, I am usually crocheting or sewing something and just popping in with a thought here and there. I'm mostly there to help out my poor friend who is so stuck with this niece who has so many issues.
I will make the suggestions mentioned and them I will leave it be.
Friend is going to help her clean her bedroom this week as her hubby has blown his stack about how dirty and disorganized it is. I've not seen it and won't see it.
I can give her this list of places/people she can talk to. I'll encourage her to push forward, but I won't help her more than that. I simply don't have the energy to do more and I don't want to.
You see why her husband won't pay for meds, she won't take them, what is the point.
I would encourage her to get her house in order, that mess alone can cause mental chaos.
Call the drug manufacturer and ask if they have programs to help pay for costly meds and tell her to ask the doctor for a cheap prescription. Not a new drug, something that has been around for a long time and can be purchased for 4 bucks at Walmart.
Keep encouraging your friend to say no. This is a car wreck getting ready to happen. 54 years old and as vain as can be, sorry I don't think it is anything else. Your friend would be used up and discarded by this person.
I gave the info I gleaned from all of you, put it down for "M" with the phone numbers and gave it to her.
What she does with the info is her problem, not mine.
Honestly? After doing that I have not thought about her. I feel for her aunt, my friend, but she's HER problem, if she wants her to be.
Do I think she'll ever really 'get better' and move forward. No, but that's not my lookout.
Thanks for the comments and support, as always. Y'all are great.
In your shoes, I would offer no suggestions. I would empathize "gee, that must be tough"; "I'm sorry to hear that your psych doc won't see you"; "that must be so hard, taking so long to get ready each day"; "yes, I see the scar; you are very aware of your appearance, I see".
And like that. This lady is not interested in getting her meds; as you say, she didn't fill the scripts when she had the funds to do so, so the problem now isn't about affordability.
Yes, she needs a social worker. I'm quite sure that she has one through disability.
If a person is not open to receiving help then they are wasting everyone else’s time and effort.
Energy vampires! They will suck the life out of you.
I once knew a woman like that. When I told her not to call me again, she said, “Why? I haven’t done anything wrong. I love you like I love my own daughter and I can’t believe you aren’t going to help me.”
This sound mean but I told her that I was not her daughter and if she treated her daughter like that it’s no wonder that your relationship is strained.
In the beginning, she had everyone connected to her feeling sorry for her because she said that her daughter was so cruel to her.
I will see her tonight, I think, and give her the information that you shared with me. If she chooses to do some calling, it's on her, not me.
As far as her religious affiliation-JoAnn--her DH is not a member, so the Bishop would have no place to talk to or counsel this man. Yes, Mormons are VERY family based, and kudos to your friend's DH for being a support to his children after a divorce. That is an absolute MUST---fathers must obey the judge's rulings as far as child support to be held in good standing in the Church. However, as this guy is not a member, he doesn't respect that his wife could use some support--yet I have a feeling that he is not the devil she portrays him as---again taking her problems with a lot of skepticism.
And she has exhausted her church welfare aid. The Church does amazing things, service-wise---but pretty much nobody 'gets to' live 100% on Church welfare--they must 'give back' to some degree. And they can be cut off if they abuse the system. M stopped going to therapy regularly and so she was cut off.
I can give her the info you all so kindly shared with me and then forget about her. I have a family of my own that need me to be there for them, and I have learned the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished--I never want to be dragged deeply into someone's life (who isn't related to me by blood!) again!
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