I always appreciate the perspectives that this group provides as we all navigate our roles as caregivers. I'm at a decision point with returning my mom to assisted living and could use some advice or a reality check. She's 92 and is generally healthy, but can't be alone for too long. She is a fall risk, so I prepare her meals, do her laundry, and generally keep an eye on things. Dad died in May 2019, and she stayed on in the small, top shelf AL facility where they were together. I made the decision to temporarily bring her home in March when we were unclear on what COVID would bring. I have never been inclined to keep her permanently at home. Caring for my dad with advanced Alzheimer's disease depleted me of my life's supply of caregiver energy, so I don't have much to give. I have been 100% teleworking since March 6, and have had the bandwidth to prepare meals, do laundry, and try to keep her at least somewhat entertained. I got my return to the office email last week, so my spare time will evaporate. I am excited to return to return to work. I love my career and am ready to get started on a new project that was stalled during the lock down. I am 60 years old, so this will probably be my last big project before I retire. I contacted the facility where mom was, and the good news is that her bright, beautiful apartment is being completely renovated and will be even nicer. They have agreed to have her return when it's ready in a few weeks. Although I had hoped to keep her home until January, this seems like a good juncture. The facility is in Phase 2 of a three phased reopening. Residents have resumed activities, group dining, and salon services with distancing guidelines. They are allowing residents to socialize, but external guests are still limited to the library or patio by appointment. Residents can leave for medical or dental appointments. By comparison, it's only my spouse and me at home, no kids, and very little activity in the house. I work all day, and then try to get some exercise and relax a little before bed. I'm inclined to make the move. Thoughts?
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But each person's situation is different . I also considered the limitations of an ALF and still keep close tabs on her. I visit everyday on a regular schedule so she can feel secure that I am there for her.
But
Like you said, it's always good to get out of our heads sometimes and get other peoples thoughts on situations - that's exactly what the forum is for.
I'm glad all the people who've commented here were helpful to you in making a decision you could feel good about. I hope when things get settled after her move, you will give us an update.
I wish you and your mom the best!
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That's great to hear - it sounds like they've done a beautiful job with her apartment. I'm glad you seem to feel at peace with your decision and will be moving her back there in a couple of weeks!
i have no interest staying alone with nothing to do during the day when i could be living in a pretty facility with meals fixed/room cleaned/activities.
maybe your mom misses the facility but doesnt want to hurt your feelings ?
The last part you wrote about centers may have to close down... is a very scary thought for everyone who has loved ones in facilities. If that does end up happening, I feel terrible for both the loved one and their family member(s)!
you might want to run out and buy a lottery ticket 😂
And when you return to your work site you will not have the time to truly engage her. You both like the facility that she chose years ago so this is going to work for both of you!
Best wishes to you and your family.
If I understand it correctly, that was a good decision and you only removed her due to possible Covid problems.
So, in keeping with that course of action, I would want to know if they have had Covid cases with residents or staff and then if they have had, how they handled it or what their plans are should someone test positive. I’m sure you probably know that. Just following the logic. Checking those boxes.
Then I would be concerned about how your geographic area is faring with Covid. Of course, all could change, but as others have said, your going back to work brings an element of risk in as well.
Should things heat up on the Covid front, you can always change your mind.
I think I would tell mom “Our break is over. Things are returning to a bit of normalcy. I’m being called back into the office and lucky for you, your home has been refreshed while you were away”
Then make sure you have deliveries set up as needed if needed or be prepared to sign on additional services as she and you adjust to the move.
You have had an unexpected opportunity to have your mom with you for a few months. I’m glad it’s worked out for both of you.
And remember that we are all Aging and there is no way you can prevent her from continuing to decline. Don’t rush to condemn yourself if it takes her a minute to adjust. It will probably take you a minute as well as you become readjusted to your inoffice work routine.
Be sure to let us know how it goes. We learn from one another.
I had thought the same thing as far as her mom not being any less safe in the ALF than in "notsomuch's" home now that she'll be back in the office environment.
Well said on every point!
I am asking this because of your response to vegaslady. I don't understand guilt when the situation really only has the lesser of two evil solutions. I think that isolation is far worse than anything that could possibly happen in a facility. Just my opinion.
I echo "vegaslady's" sentiments.
Everything seems to be in order and it doesn't get much better than that. Also, you will be returning to work and will have less spare time. I know your mom is doing fairly well other than being a fall risk but the truth of the matter is as she continues to advance in age, she will at some point decline. Wouldn't it be better if she were already in place especially since she would be able to return to her newly renovated apartment in which she is familiar with? The only thing I see in your post that seems to be an issue for you is the fact that you aren't mentally prepared for the move to be in a few weeks - you were hoping to have her until January.
I would hate to see you miss the "opportunity" because of that. I'm not sure if you would get to a place where you are forced to move her and her nice facility wouldn't have any availability therefore you'd have to find a new place which might not be as up to par as this place seems to be. Also, if there were another round of the virus, she would already be in place. So I'm not sure "what" is the sticking point for you. The other thing is was your mom comfortable (I won't use the word "happy" because oftentimes that may or not be the case) there. Those are my thoughts and a few things you can ask yourself in order to make a sound decision for you and your mom.
I wish you all the best and hope you will let us know!