My mom is very lazy and has an 'I don't care' attitude. How do I take care of her?

I have a friend that chose to stop his dialysis. He had lost a leg to diabetes. He was ready and he was 69. Another friend, juvenile diabetic, 63.

I would put off buying that house.

I like the approach, do this for me to help you. I would get my ducks in a row. If she has any assets, a Will would be good. I would ask to be assigned POA, financial and medical, if u aren't already. Will make things so much easier for you. Her POA medical could read like a living will. Then she needs a DNR. You can download one for your state. A Drs signature is needed. You make sure her doctors have a copy, there is one for the EMTs and you have a copy for the nurses desk where she is. Don't expect anything sent with EMTs to make it passed the ER.

Dawn, about needing her help for getting paperwork done, in view of how she feels it might be best to have the end-of-life conversation (perhaps also regarding hospice), and tell her that you are not pushing her to care for herself, get better, etc. You are asking for her help for yourself, because without it you will be in a real mess when she goes. She may be happier to co-operate for your sake than because it’s yet another thing that ‘she ought to do’.

You can't save a person from herself. Accept your mother's wish to stop the suffering and to transition to the next phase of eternal life, since there is really nothing you can do to prevent it. Ask her doctor for a hospice evaluation so she can get comfort care to manage her pain as she approaches the end of her life. Anti depressants at this stage of the game seems like too little, too late.

I'm really sorry you have to endure such a thing, it's awful. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.

You call her lazy and it is your opinion she doesn't care?
Have you thought that perhaps she is exhausted with all of this, hopeless, and wanting peace now. Perhaps she is ready to "go" ?
Diabetes effects all systems, taking them down one after another, and you may be correct that your mother doesn't wish to cope with it anymore. At some point it becomes "What am I living for? One more Season of Better Call Saul? One more book? One more blossoming of the peach tree?" Some people do get tired. They do actually wish to go to peace and rest. I think the key here is to speak with Mom, ask if she thinks she should discuss depression with her doctor. Let her talk. If she doesn't want heroic measures to live then it is time to get the Health Care Directive done so that no one attempt to do dialysis on her if she doesn't want it. It is exhausting, grueling, endless, and everything is about it. I would never have it; I say that as an RN who already has that written on MY directive.
You are there now to love her the time she has left and to honor and support her in her decisions. Let her say her piece. Let her have the right to decide if this is just too hard for her. Support her choices, because eventually EVERY SINGLE CHOICE we have gets made for us, not by us.
Your Mom has diabetes and her kidneys are in fact failing. There is little you can do about that through forcing fluids, diets, etc. You can see to it she eats so well as she is able; but you need not to force her to do things for one more miserable day of life so you don't "lose her". You may have this correct. She may not care to go on. Ask her if she will discuss with you and her doctor so that she might consider trying an anti depressant, something to help, or that MAY help. But don't rob her of what she feels in her own soul for and about her own life.

Sounds like your mom is suffering from depression. Does she take anything for that? If not, I would certainly talk to her Dr about getting her on something. Also sounds like she's given up on life(probably due to her depression), and just doesn't care about anything any more. I'm sure that's hard for you as her daughter to stand by and watch, when all you want is the best for her. But you can't control your mom and her actions. You can only control yourself, and how you will continue to deal with her. If it's getting to just be too much, then perhaps it's time she goes into a facility, where she will receive 24/7 care. She can always apply for Medicaid to pay for that. And just FYI, you shouldn't have to pay for anything when it comes for your moms care. That should all be taken care of by her Medicare/Medicaid. If you decide to keep her at home, her insurance should cover some type of in home care. Also you can ask her Dr if she might qualify for Hospice care. If she does, they will pay for all her medications and any equipment she might need. Now you will still be the full-time caregiver, as their nurse would only come out once a week and their aides twice a week to bathe her, so as you can see, the rest would be up to you, but it would be something. Hope that helps.