"I'm so scared". But she is unable to tell me why. Any advice?

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Gracie61 Asked October 2020

"I'm so scared". But she is unable to tell me why. Any advice?

My mom called me on her Facebook Portal tonight. She was very confused, the light was off in her room, although it was still sone light through windows it was pretty dark, and she kept standing and just pointing to things around the room. She wouldnt sit down no matter how much I asked her to. Why? Its dangerous.

So I contacted the front desk, and told them to have an aide check on her as she needed help. Because by that time, she has knelt down on floor and couldn't get up, and said she was hurting

So the aide came in and turned on her light, and helped her up, and said she would call me back, after she got her settled. And disconnected me.

So the aide calls back in 15 minutes on the video Portal, and says that mom didnt want change for bed yet, and was still upset asking about parents, and left the room. At least mom was seated in her recliner, but she was vastly more confused than normal.

She just kept saying I'm so scared, but when I said in sorry to hear that, and tried to redirect, it just didnt work, Even added my sister to call, and her young grandkids said hi, she just kept saying it.

So I asked what are you scared of? And she just points says bathroom door, or bed, and my purse is on the table. And I guess I can't call my parents. Tried telling her she was in a safe place. Tried asking how can I help.

Lately shes been having more trouble with words, doing a lot of slurring.

But this was heartbreaking. She was teary, and so confused and scared and I just couldn't help.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Anxiety Cognitive Decline Dementia Behaviors

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score 0 · Answer 1

Certainly hallucinations and delusions can be frightening symptoms of her mixed dementia. Not only for the LO but for the caregiver also. As caregivers we don't know how to respond to someone saying they're seeing things and are frightened. Those symptoms along with her difficulty with speaking, indicate an advancement of the disease. It's good you weren't denying her fears because that would make her think that no one cares and you wouldn't be able to convince her otherwise, anyway. Telliing her she was safe and asking how you can help are good responses. Even though you may not be able to visit her yet, you could still tell her that you'll be over to pick up your purse and fix the other things that are bothering her. When visiting time does come, spend some time reminiscing with her about her younger days or bring in some photos to share. Find a music app on your phone and play music from her generation. These may be enough to overcome the hallucinations. Lastly, there are meds that can address her issues. Talk to the facility doctor.

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score 0 · Answer 2

My sister is doing the same. She has delusions-asks me if I see X-what ever she is seeing. No, sorry I do not see that. Try to redirect when I can/could was easier before covid. Her words are fewer and fewer she is slipping. Covid is not helping. Due to staff covid cases she is in second quarantine isolation. Isolation is bad-sis alone with her strange thoughts-no one to say "you are okay/safe" we are here to help you, distract or comfort sis. I watched a video about actor comedian Robin Williams' wife and what they went thru before his passing. Video helped me finally understand once and for all I will never really fully know the pain frustration fear and sense of being alone and helpless.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I'm so sorry, that must have been so heartbreaking and frustrating for you. Does the facility check for UTIs? Maybe this is a temporary setback due to a UTI.
Can you talk to her doctor about some anti-anxiety meds?

Thankfully you know she is safe where she is, and she is not alone.

Please let us know if your mom was able to calm down. Sending a hug your way.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Have her checked for a UTI, sometimes they can cause disorientation in older adults.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Sounds terribly upsetting. Bless you both!

If this keeps continuing, maybe speak with the nursing staff or her MD about medication options. Maybe needs dosage adjustment, or a mild anti-anxiety med, The anxiety is what is feeding her fear.

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Thanks for responding. She is on Sertraline for anxiety and Seeoquel for sundowning already. Im leery of increasing them too much as she's already a fall risk, much more unsteady on her feet than she used to be.

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score 1 · Answer 6

I'm sorry. That's heartbreaking. When my dad had a brain bleed, he was so difficult to manage that I had to sleep in his hospital room to keep him from being abusive to the hospital staff. I would try to persuade him to get back in bed if he'd get up at 1am, and it would just make everything worse. Eventually I just let him stand around in his hospital room and ask questions in the middle of the night, until he wore himself out and fell back asleep. It's so hard when they can't tell you what's wrong though.

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"I'm so scared". But she is unable to tell me why. Any advice?

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