Do some people just get angrier and more depressed the older they get?

I am living with both my parents. I’m not sure if it’s worse or amplified because I live in the house. I feel like I am being sucked down the vortex of negativity. Al I do is complain to my poor sister about my parents complaining!! I have decided they do NOT need 24/7 care as I was led to believe. I hope to find a small apartment nearby and help as I can. I’m hoping this + therapy will work. I’ve done caregiving for my husband...I am a cancer survivor....but THIS is pushing me over the edge.

I guess there is solace to know we are not alone.

This makes me think of the book Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant? 😂
Often as we age we lose all the positive connections in life - friends, independence, physical health, meaningful activities, etc etc etc so it becomes harder to make any kind of conversation that isn't focused inwardly and in a negative way. But just because she is wallowing in in doesn't mean you have to wallow too, come right out and say that you'd rather talk about something more positive, if she can't/won't then get up and leave the room.

My mother is so angry, bitter and depressed over the "horrible" life she has had. She has never faced financial insecurity, has had two husbands who loved her and treated her exceptionally well, never had to work, has owned her own lovely home since the day she married my father, has no debt, a healthy retirement income, savings, and two children who just want her to be happy and healthy. Yes, she's lonely and a widow, but her life is far from the living h*ll she thinks it is.

There are many angry people in this world. They don’t even have to be old, sick or dying. They do get worse as they age. As we age it becomes harder to tolerate their behavior because it is exhausting to be around them.

Some people were always angry. It’s almost like they were born with a genetic disposition to be angry.

I’ve known people like this and I avoid them like the plague. They will never own anything and always blame others for their misery and they will continue to try to suck people into their trap.

They are energy vampires. They will drain every ounce of energy that you have if you allow it. Some are conscious of their behavior and others are most likely mentally ill and believe their own crap.

I have found that most people who were happy when they were younger remain pleasant and those who are mean were always mean and miserable to be around.

I don’t bother with trying to please them. It’s a complete waste of time. I don’t try to change them. They are who they are. Why should I wreck my head against their brick wall?

It’s extremely liberating to let go of toxic people.

Same boat. I live in the same county as my mom and one of her sisters, and both of them are often so busy playing pity party it's all I can take. In a way I do feel for them - with COVID they can't go anywhere and not many people can come visit, but I get really tired of listening to them go on and on with health problems and trivia (something on TV, what the neighbor lady said on Facebook) with nobody asking what's going on with me - spouse lost his job recently and COVID isn't a cakewalk for us either.

Mom has managed money very poorly and has waited until age 82 and poor health to decide she's probably not going to be able to stay in her house - sure would have been nice if this has anticipated a few years ago although I realize that isn't always possible. The expectation seems to be that I'm going to play a major role in decluttering her semi-hoarded home and help her move to a smaller place closer to me, then be available at her beck and call.... we'll have to see about that.

(Truth is I'm actually really mad about it. Mom got an advanced degree which she only used to work for 10 years, then she retired at 55 and has done volunteer work for the past 20+ years, with apparently no thought at all about saving for retirement. I have a BPD brother for whom she paid bills for a decade after he became an adult - maybe she should call HIM for help?)

The aunt who never seems to think about anyone but herself, very nearly, smoked cigarettes without a care in the world for 40 years. I do care that she now has COPD, asthma and a host of other problems but it's hard to have the world's deepest well of patience when at least some of it could have been prevented. I don't feel like I can say much when there's nothing she can do about it now but privately I'm thinking that often.

It helps to know we're all dealing with this. Hope I'm not this black hole of self absorption when I'm an octagenarian tho I do see how it happens with bad health, limited means of income and nothing much else to think about.

Some people just can’t be pleased. It’s a waste of time to try.

I can relate to this 100%. My mother doesn't live with me thankfully, but otherwise your description fits exactly. I don't have any answers, just to say that you aren't alone in how you're feeling. I have had many, many days where I fantasize about changing my phone number and moving away without telling her.

What you are describing is narcists.

Their motto is I am going to do what I want to do an do not care who I hurt to get what I want.

As they age their bodies break down and there is a constant battle between the mind saying I am going to do what I want and the body saying you are going to suffer if you do. I have seen many, my mother being the worse, who know if they do something they will suffer. Being stupid and stubborn (the two go hand in hand) they refuse to learn their lesson (oh that happened the last ninety nine times it will not happen this time ) and proceed to abuse their body. The bodies reaction is swift and brutal. It is true fools never learn.

These folks are also users and abusers. As they age their availability of victims dwindles and they resent it. I have seen it too often. Most folks do not give in to their manipulation and when they cannot get their own way proceed to through temper tantrums like spoiled children.

There are laws to protect against elder abuse. I wish there were laws to prevent live in care giver abuse.

My mother is on enough anti-depressants to make a horse giddy with glee, and she STILL complains and carries on non-stop ALL the time. I often say, there's no pill on earth gonna cure SOME people's attitudes, that's for sure. If I dare say to my mother, in the middle of her tirade of complaining, tell me something GOOD that happened today, she'll say, NOTHING, what good thing could POSSIBLY have happened today? And she means it! Well, let's see: you woke up, that's the first good thing that happened, right? She'd argue that, too, so there's no point in even going there.

Anyway, I hear you. I'm lucky b/c my mother lives in a Memory Care ALF b/c there is NO WAY on EARTH I'd have her and her baggage come live with me. Period. Growing up in her home was more than enough. Way more.

You might want to start looking around at Independent Living places for seniors and get your mother set up in an apartment over there. Then she can join all the others who love to complain non-stop 24/7 about their horrible lots in life. Misery loves company; your mother doesn't have enough company so you're her only scratching post.

Good luck!

my mother has been self centered, mean and judgmental my entire life. It has not gotten better with age. At this point I do not expect anything to change which really is a good thing because I don’t waste my time trying. There is a way of talking to someone without really engaging that works for me. However I don’t live with my mother and limit phone calls. Being around that negativity all day everyday must be really hard. You are NOT responsible for someone else’s happiness.