I will be as clear as I possibly can here.
I have had to take on the care for my 80 year old biological father and his sweet, but unwell wife. I barely know them, but I am the only person on Earth who cares for them at all.
Both have numerous health issues, which I found out about 3 months ago when I visited them (for the first time in years) in their home in rural Missouri. They own an untrained German Shepherd that is too much for either of them to handle. My "father" tells me he loves the dog more than his wife or me, and that he wants me to shoot the dog (!!!) when he dies so they can be cremated together. I was unable to find an assisted living facility in Missouri that will allow a big dog like that (Plus, it has bitten someone once before!). So I determined to set up a perfect condo near me so they can live their life in a clean, safe place; near medical care (they were 48 minutes from even an urgent care in MO), and with access to some support from me.
They've been here less than a week now. Every single day, I have had to clean up copious dog poop, pee and vomit in addition to the surprise of human poop and pee. The condo, which I had painted, carpets cleaned, etc. before they moved in, is already becoming disgusting and unsanitary.
My father cannot walk the dog because she's stronger than he is; my stepmother cannot walk at all, so she's out; I have no desire to take care of the animal, but I've had to walk it numerous times per day whenever I'm there. I expected to do it on occasion, but now it's my duty. The animal wanted to go pee this morning...at 3 AM, but my father refused to get up, he said, so the dog did her business everywhere. Apparently, it isn't handling the move to their new condo very well!
Hiring a dog walker may not suffice, because even after I finish walking the dog, it will defecate or urinate in their new condo an hour or two later.
They brought the dog to my home tonight when my father drove them here for dinner. I struggled to chain it under a nice tree in my yard and I gave it some water. It barked for 3 hours and got into other trouble. When I tried to switch it back to its leash to walk it back to their car, it pulled me so hard I almost fell down - and I'm a fit woman in her mid-50s! Then it leapt into the cab of the truck and scratched my frail stepmother.
The animal cost $500 in vet bills on Friday, because it has not been cared for properly. They live on a total of $900/mo in SS + pension, because they didn't work most of their lives. The dog needs another $200, and hasn't had a rabies shot (or a bath!) in years. I suspect my stepmother is not giving it the medication prescribed, even though I wrote it down and taped it to the frigde. She keeps forgetting!
I'd really like to call German Shepherd Rescue and have them remove this unhappy dog from their home. They cannot take care of it, and neither can/will I.
I'm worried it will kill my father if I take the dog away/remove it forcefully. Today, he told me he would take the dog, leave the country and never come back if anyone tried to take it away from him. I really don't know what the right thing is to do. Ideas? It's unfair to the animal, it prevents them from getting into assisted living which it turns out they desperately need, and yet it seems this pathetic animal is the only reason they stay alive.
10 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/should-my-relatives-be-in-assisted-living-instead-of-a-condo-462218.htm
I think what you should have done was call APS in their County and have an evaluation done. If it was found that they needed help, the state would have stepped in. You have taken on a lot for a man who looks like was not in your life.
I agree, the dog has to go. Dad can no longer care for it. I am surprised the Condo Assc allows a dog that large in the building. Even apts that allow dogs do not allow what they consider dangerous breeds. Pit bulls, German Sheppards, Rottweilers, Doberman, etc. If the dog has bitten once it will again. If that happens, the court can ask to have it put down.
Your other post asks if the condo is a good place for them. No it isn't. They should not be alone. He is not able to care for her.
ADVERTISEMENT
A German Shepherd will become dangerous if they are not handled properly and this dog is a tragedy waiting to happen. Every behavior will only get worse.
I would arrange for the rescue to happen at the same time that I found a stray small dog. I would lie through my teeth, she jerked the lead out of my hand and took off. I would notify all the animal control groups in your area what the situation is and then I would say someone must have found her and is keeping her. Oh so sad!
The issues you are seeing with this poor dog is because it is not taken care of and it is going mad. She could get to a point of turning on her "masters" because she is being allowed to be the alpha and that is dangerous for anyone that comes in contact with her. Including you, she could easily turn on you if you cross her boundaries of control.
I have had multiple German shepherds for 25 years, I train service dogs, I am not trying to be dramatic, these are true and real issues that you are facing by not getting this dog out of that condo. Do the research, they are the #1 bite dog and many homeowner insurance companies won't even quote your insurance if you have one.
I promise you that your dad will not die if that dog goes. It is manipulation at its finest. Please don't buy into his poor me, because he is not able to take care of that dog and the dog is suffering from the neglect. Who says to kill an animal when they die so they can be cremated together? Sorry that is not love.
I am just beside myself that this poor animal is suffering so. Maybe now you know why not another soul cares for these 2 people.
I didn't know you train service dogs. That's awesome!
That would be the worse thing you can do and would make both your dad and the dog heartbroken and make your dad I'll enough to not even want to live.
The Dog and your Dad are happy together and it would be very cruel of you to do that to them.
I understand some people just aren't animal people.
You should have thought ahead and rented them something with a small yard, then had a doggie door installed so no one has to walk the dog.
Also, the floors should be tile to make for an easier Clean Up.
Once the lease is up or if you can get out of the lease, move them to a place with a small yard then everyone will be happy.
Do to them like you would want to happen to you if the situation was reversed.
They did alot fir you growing up and cleaned up many messes I'm sure.
Please let them live their life as happy as they can.
They have to get use to being uprooted from their home, just like the dog does.
None of this is your responsibility. I am trying to understand how you are rationalizing your actions.
I realize that you had curiosity about your bio dad. I understand your searching for him but the idea of considering them and a dog your complete responsibility is baffling to me.
It puzzled me to read that you are comparing them to other charities that you give donations to. Name one other charity that you have invested in this heavily. Bet you can’t.
Read between the lines in your posts. You have dumped guilt and obligation on yourself while knowing that you are not fully satisfied with the relationship.
You don’t have to do this. You can change your mind. Are they even well enough to stay in a condo?
Assisted living is out. They have no money. Are they on Medicaid? Find a nursing home. Rent or sell the condo!
Finally, contact a rescue group for the dog. The dog deserves a chance to be trained and loved by a capable owner.
You deserve to be free from this responsibility. It’s not your fault that your bio dad and his wife are in this situation.
Unfortunately your dad moved away from his responsibilities when you were very young.
Now he is approaching the end of his life and it is your time to walk away. Not out of vengeance, out of love.
Love for yourself and caring enough to see that he and his wife are placed in a suitable nursing home.
Please contact Council on Aging in your area and a social worker. They will help.
Best wishes to you and your family.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-much-do-i-do-for-my-biological-father-460454.htm?orderby=recent&page=1�
Step back.
I head this from a wise woman: "Whoever has the responsibility has the power."
So there, you have the responsibility, hence the power to make decisions. The dog needs to go to a better home, maybe a rescue, or a foster where it can be trained. before being adopted.
Your dad's sadness is SECONDARY to your well being, and frankly behind the dog's well being, too. Your health and sanity come FIRST.
It doesn't sound to me like your dad or step-mom have ever dealt with life well. The dog is a symptom of lifelong dysfunction.
People often post here that they are certain that their loved one will die if...
1. They go to a nursing home
2. They are separated from a spouse
3. They have to give up their (cat) (dog) (paraket).
These folks don't die from the change. Often they thrive. The human will to live is a wonderful thing.
Arrange for the dog to be rescued.
The fact that your father wants the dog shot upon his death shows callous disregard for the life of this poor animal, if you want justification.