Hi,
My Mom has been living on her own,. I've offered for her to move in with me, that was always the plan, but she really likes having her independence. She really likes living in her own house, among her own belongings. I can totally respect that!!
Over the years, I noticed a decline in her Mental Clarity. She seemed confused at times, forgetful, of course I just chalked it up to the fact that she was in her 80s! She started having visual hallucinations, and was delusional at times. She had always been a little paranoid, but the paranoia really seemed to amp up.
I tried to suggest that maybe she needed to see a doctor, but she refused everything I suggested.
She then went to visit extended family that she had not seen in many, many years! I thought maybe it would be good for her, except the paranoia seemed to increase. She always seemed dazed & out if it-- if I was allowed to speak with her, and the attacks against me seemed to increase exponentially! I wasn't even in the same area code-- but she was accusing me of spying on her etc..
I asked when she was going to come home, but never got any type of a definitive answer. Even though I had reservations, obvious concerns about her mental clarity, I kept thinking "but she's happy" !! (Not because she really told me, but because "they" insisted she was!)
Then I learned about red flags with her banking- but only because I had a shared account with her. She kept trying to warn me to get my stuff, but it was jumbled and I thought her paranoia. Unfortunately, I learned the truth mostly too late.
Because no POA, I had no recourse to find out what was (is) truly happening with her various accounts. When I asked her about it all, she didn't know what I talking about.
Then, while she's away, her house was put up for sale, and sold very fast, and all of her belongings gone. I asked her about it but she avoided the subject & accused me of trying to cause trouble.
Not to mention, where are her things?! A full household of things, some of which were actually mine!
I really am confused and hurt, I love my mom and I don't understand what's going on! I am feeling completely shut out and I don't understand why! I have been the 1 person that has always been in her life. These people were never there for her, even when she actually needed help, when I was too young to help.
I just don't understand why she would be treating me this way. I miss my Mom! But what can I do??!!
I have been incredibly stressed out about this whole thing, not knowing what to do, and it was affecting my health and I was ready to let it go.
That's when I discovered that on the very same day that the craziness happened with bank account, that same day she signed a Notarized Durable Power Of Attorney to these people! When I spoke to her on the phone that day, she was out of it and could barely hold a conversation with me! But she signed a POA?! And it is the most detailed DPOA I have ever seen! Okay technically I have never seen 1 at all, but when I look at others online, hers is very very detailed, very specific!
Suddenly, it all makes sense now! I believe these relatives realized something was going on with her, actually I told them my concerns, because I thought maybe they could help(!) and help "themselves" they did! they Took full advantage of it all to better themselves, get access to her money, however you wanna put it! And they Encouraged Her paranoia towards me, as well as isolated her from me, by not letting me talk to her. Then they started messing with her various bank accounts, including the one I shared with her, and I found out, & they knew I knew!!! And that same day she signs detailed dpoa!!!
Coincidence? I think not!
Am I simply overreacting? I haven't had a chance to speak with her about it, but I have the feeling that she will be evasive, possibly she won't even know what I'm talking about.
I have no idea what, if anything, I can do.
Please help!!
Thank you
8 Answers
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The dpoa is extended family. Someone who was not previously even in her life.
I'm afraid though, it is too late. I am trying to cope and become resigned to the fact I will likely never see or hear from my Mom again.
Maybe it's for the best??
Dementia or not, maybe undiagnosed mental illness, it was so easy for her to do this, or allow all of this. To cast me aside. It was easy for her to lie to me and worse, lie about me. Trust is important to me. Integrity is everything.
Early on, When I tried, she refused any help etc, and began accusing me of trying to control her, and worse.
So maybe now she is happy, maybe she has peace in her life she didn't have before. I want her to be happy.
The fact is, these people have already begun liquidating her assets, if it's used on my Mom, that's fine, sadly I know that isn't fully the case. They haven't become her dpoa because they love her and have ber best interests at heart. They love her money...
I read Psalm 37 last night, to me, it means there are wolves all around us... Evil wicked people who destroy & prosper off others, especially the poor and needy, but their prosperity will be short-lived. And most importantly, these so-called Christians taking advantage of my mom, they will be judged one day. "Do not fret" "Do not fret" "Do not fret". Wait patiently upon the Lord. I will trust in the Lord.
"They are like grass that will soon become dry"
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Wishing you and your mom the best of luck!
Please contact an attorney that specializes in elder abuse. He/she will direct you.
Wishing you and your mom all the best.
Please don't beat yourself up! You sound a kind person - giving others respect & trust, but please seek professional advice on this matter asap.
Please also document everything regarding your Mother's hallucinations & paranoia. Signing POA or other legal documents if confused makes the documents invalid but this will need professionals to look into.
The last thing you want is for them to start changing numbers or moving her.
Contact an attorney where she is, they can help you with the laws for that state.
Best of luck getting your mom protected.
I Was hoping that I was just over reacting...
But may I presume that you think it all seems a little fishy also?
I'm trying to be objective, I don't want To come across the wrong way, My mom certainly seems to believe all of these things about me, and what if she's actually convinced these relatives that I am some bad person? And they really are just sincerely trying to help her?
I mean I wouldn't fault them for that I guess, but The way they're going about it would certainly be considered circumspect in any case, because I feel like they shouldn't encourage her, that's why I made alienation my name because that's how I feel like I've been treated, I've been alienated from my mom (by them).
Also,
We Are in different states now, so do I contact Senior Services, Attorney, etc in my state or the state where her house was, or where she is now?
Another thought, Should I let them know that I'm aware of everything? I tried to calling her tonight but no answer. Maybe I shouldn't tip my hand To them?
Thanks again for your reply.