Did hospice house speed up death?

Hospice does not speed up death.

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I was urged to put my mother in hospice at home. I discussed it with some close friends and relatives. She suffers with severe back and arm pain just about everyday. Further, she has dementia and she has days of clarity and also days when she can't remember where she is. We live in a small apartment and there's only 5 places where she could go. On the flip side, she walks rather fast for a person 95. I'm so glad I didn't follow through with advice from her primary care provider. I do give her a low dosage of norco which helps with her pain. I have decided to keep her home unless she begins to be combative and does not know who we are. At that point, hospice will be called in. . To answer your question, i do believe the morphine injections attribute to a person's death more rapidly than if the person was allowed to die when God calls them home. This is a very difficult thing to face especially if you are alone in your caregiving role. God bless you.

Dear "Redrooster275,"

I'm so sorry about your mom passing away and that this was the type of experience you had with your particular hospice company.

I agree with what "Isthisrealyreal" said - "hospices are not all created equal."

I used hospice for the first time for my dad in 2004 and they were one of the largest, not-for profit hospice companies in our state. They were wonderful.

Sixteen years later in May of this year I brought the same hospice company on board after my mom nearly died of severe dehydration and COVID after hospitalization, rehab and placing her in a new facility. Things can change in 16 years. After the facility told them my mom was somewhat aggressive, they wanted to put her on a low dose of morphine. I said "no" - I knew she wasn't in the type of situation where it was necessary. They went with my wishes and put her on a low dose medication to help her sleep. Turns out that was all she needed. She wasn't sleeping well for a long time and after going through all she'd been through at the age of 95 naturally she would be somewhat agitated and aggressive. I did have them give morphine to my dad because he had Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and was in pain. My mom was not in pain other than some arthritis in her lower back so we decided on a higher dose of Tylenol. Since that time, I hired a different hospice company for a different reason where I felt a change was needed based on the facility's recommendation.

Sometimes I think when we are working with any type of "professionals" and I do mean "any type" whether it's a doctor, banker, lawyer etc. we think they have all knowledge, don't question them sometimes when we probably should have and feel like we are bound to them when in fact if something doesn't seem right, we need to find someone else.

Once again, I can only imagine the pain and guilt you must be feeling and I know everyone will have their own personal opinion on "hospice care" as the experiences seem to vary quite a bit from each person's situation.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers - that God will be with you during your time of grief and as you work through the guilt. Guilt is one of the stages of grief in and of itself regardless of what's causing it and is normal.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hospices are not all created equal and I am so sorry for anyone that feels like their loved ones death was hastened by hospice.

May God give you grieving mercies and comfort during this difficult time. May you find peace and the answers that you seek.

Great big warm hug, losing a parent is never easy.

I can tell tell you that I have heard many people tell their stories of their LO in hospice. They felt like hospice did speed up the death of them.

Giving pills to family members who did not present any pain, breathing difficulty or anxiety issues.

I am hearing about over-medicating from so many with loved ones in hospice and nursing homes. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. My 93 year old grandmother broke her leg and following successful surgery was alert and "herself" while in the hospital for several days. Then she went to a skilled nursing home for rehab. In just one week they were saying that her progress was too slow and required "maximum encouragement" and wanted to put her on Ativan for anxiety due to (understandable afraid to fall again) since her (paid for) insurance wanted to see faster/more progress in her physical therapy PT to continue paying for the rehab. My gut told me No and I said I would get back to them next day. After quick research I found much documentation of Ativan and risks for elderly including risk of falls, imbalance, muscle weakness, confusion, drowsiness which seems to contradict a successful rehab. I called next day and said No to the Ativan. A few days later my grandmother told me she had an instance of not being able to control her body to stay awake and was unable to participate in the PT. In made me think they gave her Ativan even though we said No to that drug.

I believe the Hospice homes mean well, but they do seem to want to over medicate their patients. Perhaps some do need it, but like your mom perhaps she didn't. My husband was in a Hospice facility twice in his last 22 months of life. The first time was when he came right out of the hospital from aspiration pneumonia and I was told he only had 2 days to live. One evening a nurse came in with some medication to give to my husband, and when I stopped her and asked what it was, she told me the name of it and I told her that he wasn't on that medication. She tried to argue with me, but I stood my ground and asked her to go check his charts. well she came back with her tail between her legs, apologizing profusely that it was actually meant for the patient across the hall from my husbands room. Who knows what would have happened if I had not been there. He started to take a turn for the better, and so he came home under their care.

The next time he was put in to get his pain under control. I was told he would be there for a week or so, as they had to monitor the new pain pump. Well about 5 days into his stay, the Hospice Dr. came in one morning and told me that my husband would not be coming home again and that he was in fact dying. Well apparently my husband wasn't aware of that, and when I tried to tell what the Dr. said, he said nope, he was going home, and home I took him, where he lived another year after that in his own home. In the last 6 weeks of his dying process, he was in a lot of uncontrolled pain, and his nurses kept reminding me that I could have him brought back to their facility to die and have his pain better controlled. When I mentioned it to my husband, he always said no, that he wanted to die at home. I do know that if I would have had him brought to the Hospice facility that he would have died weeks before he actually did die, because of the strong medications that they do give their patients there. Medications that I was told all along they could only give in their facility and not in the home.

So while your mom may have had a few weeks or so before she actually did die, the fact remains that she was dying. So take comfort in the fact that she didn't have to suffer, and that she is now with God and at peace. May God grant you His peace and comfort during your grieving process.

Your mother should have been asked if she wanted these drugs. Was she asked? Failing that, did she ask them what they were giving her?

Even if the answer is no on both counts, it does NOT mean that your mother's life was cut short. It certainly does not mean that you made the wrong decision in agreeing to her admission to the hospice.

End stage heart and kidney disease can become extremely distressing, and the drugs you mention would be appropriate in relieving symptoms. But I second Alva's recommendation that you ask the hospice people for a clear explanation of what took place and why your mother was given these medications, to set your mind at rest. And if they don't routinely ASK patients if they want their meds - they should! As long as the patient is able to communicate, of course.

Also - do you know if your mother was given these drugs in hospital? The only reason I ask is that if she was (she may well have been) it will reassure you that pain relief and freedom from anxiety don't have to mean knocking somebody out, and if she was being treated there you'll have seen that for yourself.

Oh my God, they did the same thing to our dad. I know his time was coming, but they robbed us of the opportunity to say a proper goodbye and especially the fact that he was not in any pain and he never got the chance to say goodbye...I am sorry...we are supposed to allow folks to die in their own time and not pump them up with drugs before it is time...they will all have to answer to God. I followed the ambulance and stayed with dad until he got settled. He was joking around and very alert. Told the nurses I was his birthday present, his DOB is Dec 8 and mine is Dec 7. Next day I went to visit he was asleep or so I thought...I sat there like a fool for five hours and I even said to them why isn't he waking up when I call his name, he usually wakes up...they did not tell me they put him into a coma and that the day I dropped him off was the last time I saw my father alive...I still have nightmares about it and I feel guilty like I should have known better, I trusted these people and they killed my father. I will NEVER forgive them, NEVER!!!

I am so sorry you had to go through that, it is not right and we need to speak out about it. Whole healthcare system sucks, it is just about the money and the insurance companies not wanting to pay for healthcare for the seniors!! So sad this world that we will in..that the people who gave us life lose their life because of GREED!

If the patient is in no pain and can make the Nurse aware of that, then I don't see the need for morphine unless breathing was being effected too. To me the client should be allowed to be involved with their care. If they say no I don't want it, then the nurse does not give it to them. There was one member whose father said he didn't want the morphine because he wanted to be awake as much as possible and the Nurse gave it to him anyway. I think that was wrong.

I would ask why too.

So sorry for the loss of your mom.

My brother was on hospice too. He was dying. Your mom was dying. They were not going to recover.

My brother was alert too for awhile. The nurses see everything. Were you there around the clock? I wasn’t. So I relied on the professional opinions of the nurses.

The nurses can see everything that is going on at all times. Just because your mom wasn’t in any discomfort when you were there doesn’t mean that she didn’t have discomfort at other times.

I asked the nurse if I should speak to my brother while he was in a coma. She told me yes and that she believed that he could hear me. I did not feel that he needed to respond to my conversation.

I did not want my brother to be in pain at the end. I am grateful for drugs that can ease the transition into crossing over.

I do not feel as if hospice speeds up death. It is a specific type of care for the terminally ill. I have nothing but good things to say about the care my brother received from the nurses that cared for him.

You are grieving. You may have questions. I understand this. It’s hard. I wish you peace.

Your mom would want you to be at peace. Take comfort that she was relaxed and there was no discomfort during her final hours. You were with her. She knew that you loved her.

Hospice has clergy and social workers. I took advantage of this. You may want to as well.

Please discuss your feelings with hospice. They will be in touch with you in the next days. I feel it is important they speak with family about medications they are giving and reason for giving the medication; yet no one seems to have discussed with you until they were already given. I agree with what lealonnie said below and I have now taken to telling people to discuss with hospice personnel that they are not wishing their elder be ushered out of this world with sedation; that they want them comfortable at all cost, but not over medicated when there is no discomfort or agitation. There have been a few stories of late that have made me "uncomfortable enough" that I have advised this. I am grateful that your mother did not suffer, but I am sad that you now question your own decision. Please discuss this with them.

Many other people feel as you do; that hospice is 'pushing' unnecessary medications on their patients for no good reason. Hospice, on the other hand, feels that there IS a good reason for the administration of medication, and the reason isn't to 'speed up' the patient's death but to make them comfortable and/or to ease their breathing *which morphine does* or a variety of other reasons the family is free to ask about at any time.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. Most likely, her time her on earth was up and God was ready for her and that's why she passed when she did, no other reason. Try not to second guess things too much since that will only worsen your suffering & grief. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.