What do you do when you can't get along with your aging Mom?

I am in the same situation. My mom is sweet old lady but with no filter. She says what is on her mind even if it hurts your feelings. She has been living with me for almost a year now and I am struggling too.

Hello DDaughter, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry to read that you are feeling depressed about your mom's decline and her care that you are bravely trying to provide. There's a topic on the home page called Burnout. I'm pointing you there because of how you are currently struggling. Spoiler alert: many people put enormous pressure on themselves by believing that hands-on in-home care by the adult children is the only "right thing" to do. Not so, yet no judgments from me and others. Many on this forum are doing exactly what you are. Please read some of those posts. I hope you receive all the support you need here!

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/30/burnout

Your Mom is not that old. I am 71. Don't do too much for her. Let her do what she can do even if it takes her longer to do it. As a member said on this forum don't "disable" her. What are her needs? Are you doing because its just faster and easier to do them yourself.

Why do you not get along. Are there things you could compromise on. Do you "tell" her she needs to do this or that. Remember, you are the child. Parents don't like children telling them what to do. Skmetimes my girls talk to me like I don't have a brain in my head. At this point, I let it go because it doesn't happen often but when it comes more frequent, they will be told.

DDaughter - welcome to the AgingCare forum. You are in good company here. There are many of us who take care of our elderly parents and are struggling and are burning out.

I understand your feeling. I'm in year 4 of taking care of my Alzheimer's mother who is now in diapers. Sigh....

I have a lot of help the last couple of years, but the first two years were so bad because she was living with me, and let me tell you, it was like living in a mental institution with a crazy patient badgering you all day all night until you went mad. I had to move her out in order to save my sanity and my family (husband and 2 young kids.)

If your mother has the financial means, then do look into getting help at home, so that you can have breaks. Do the right thing as you say is to keep yourself from burning out, and getting depressed so that you can keep taking care of your mother.

Look around the forum, and read up on the thousands of threads on all sorts of caregiving related topics. Many of us come here to support one another and to VENT. So, feel free to join us.