What to do with mom that screams/cusses at caregiver?

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YoYoYo Asked November 2020

What to do with mom that screams/cusses at caregiver?

She is impossible. She screams, throws things, cusses him out and he has about had it. He lives there and takes such tender care of her but she is a narcissist and doesn't care AT ALL that all the neighbors thinks she's nuts by the way she treats him. She lives in Greece. He is about to walk and there is no one else who will care for her and she refuses to go into a senior facility. She would lose it royally, kicking and screaming, literally, if she had to go. And I can't have her here in the U.S. No facility would take her. She is exasperating and I don't know what to do if he walks. She'll be left alone in her apartment. As I mentioned, no one will care for her because of her behavior. And this isn't new. She's always been a handful but now I don't know how to handle this if she has no one to take care of her.

Burnout Family Caregiver Relationships

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score 0 · Answer 1

Since this seems to be a pattern for her it is simply her personality.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this situation. I am sure it is quite frustrating for you.

The poor caregiver deserves a million dollar raise! If you really feel that he is ready to walk and who could blame him then you will have no other choice but to find a new caregiver or start looking at facilities.

Best of luck to you.

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It IS her personality. She can act quite lovely. As long as you're not living with her. If I had a million to give him, I most certainly would. There is no other caregiver that would live in. It only worked with him because his home is a block away so he goes there while my mom is napping and takes a shower, does what is needed and then comes back. Very unusual to have such a situation. As far as facilities, there is NO WAY on God's green earth that she would allow anyone to take her without taking them all out with screaming, yelling, kicking, and they wouldn't take her that way. She would scream bloody hell. And never speak to us again. I'm at my wit's end.

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score 2 · Answer 2

YoYoYo, if you haven't already, have your Mom checked for an Urinary Tract Infection. Such an infection can cause an older person to yell and throw things. This infection can be treated with antibiotics.

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I may try that. But her behavior goes waaaaay back into her 50's and 60's. Just now that she doesn't have a husband (my dad) to hassle, she is is using her caregiver as target practice. :/

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score 0 · Answer 3

IF you have the wherewithal to do so from a distance, the best way to determine what she needs is to have a mental status evaluation done by a professional psychiatrist/psychologist/social worker/neurologist SKILLED IN GERIATRIC DIAGNOSIS.

You know that her conduct is not normal and not manageable. An evaluation can indicate whether she has the capacity to control herself or not.

If she does not have diagnosable dementia, she may benefit from medication. If she DOES Hhave dementia, she will not be able to make her own decisions about how her care continues, and may STILL need a mood stabilizer toco tool her outbursts.

Whether she kicks and screams or not, a dementia diagnosis means that she is no longer able to be responsible for herself.

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Honestly, she just feels entitled. She feels since he is paid, even though he's a friend, that she can treat him like a dog if she pleases. It's just her personality. I had hoped she would mellow but it's even worse as she gets older. He really needs the money so he puts up with so much. She wants what she wants and if she can't have it then she throws a fit. All the neighbors can hear and she doesn't care. My fear is that she is completely capable of speaking like she has no issue and making it look like we're all crazy so no doctor there will think there is anything wrong. She acts like an angel in front of doctors. I just know that she will be left on her own and will not survive if he leaves. I can't even get to Greece because we are blocked from entering from the U.S. She has 11 cats... 2 inside and 9 outside in the courtyard. A 10x6 courtyard. Ugh. I don't know what to do with her. She needs 24 hour care.

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What to do with mom that screams/cusses at caregiver?

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