Can a family member choose a DNR if you're the Durable POA and guardian for a loved one?

I’d ask the doctor what happened and why. I know that nurses have a lot of knowledge, but I have also known nurses that make mistakes, or try to say what they think someone wants to hear, particularly after a death.

The important thing now is that your sister is at peace, and that you need some peace too. Dwelling on this, considering a medical negligence claim, making public criticism that leads to a defamation action, can all turn a sad situation into a never-ending nightmare. It could also destroy everyone in the family, if people take sides. Please let it go.

Almost everyone has some ‘if only’ feelings after a death. If you are a believer, give this problem to God.

I have read your responses. So sorry you had to go thru all of this. I saw nowhere where u say what was wrong with your sister. Trying to care for a patient when family cannot be nearby is hard. Your not be able to be there was hard. I think when hospitals open up again, you need to sit with the DON and find out what actually went on with your sisters care. There is a reason CPR was not done. Or was done and and it did not work. You cannot always get the heart restarted.

It may come down to there was nothing that could be done for sister. Her heart stopped for whatever reason. Things happen. I know that is not a comfort to you. But sometimes there are just no whys. You need to know that you and those carrying for your sister did their best in a very difficult time.

My sister had it drawn up for me to be her durable power of attorney! She was on a ventilator 2 times in the past kids wanted it removed I said no we’ll fight for her she came back that was about 7 years ago when that happened! She didn’t tell the hospital she wanted an dnr that’s what I was for she had some mental issues that they was aware of and yes the hospital had the records on that! I couldn’t get in the hospital due to COVID my sister was put in a coma so she never told them dnr her! I was told she was improving! I spoke with a nurse at the hospital she said she would me mad as hell to! They didn’t know what was going on with her that’s why they was running test to see what was our next step! As far as me not being allowed to be her guardian as well the court did that too that’s what she request in 2015’ the nurse I spoke with said that never should’ve been allowed the hospital told her son that I would have to make that call and they called me and I did ! The medicine they was giving her was lowering her bp that’s what made her code they told me that but chose not to do cpr on her! I don’t see what the point in making dpa if someone can decide they don’t want to follow it! It wasn’t my sisters intention to die I promised her we would get her better and she would come back home as before! She never got that chance because it was made by the hospital they dropped the ball on this and didn’t fix her chart like they was supposed to I know one of the nurses personally and she didn’t get that put in the chart after speaking with me! It wasn’t my sisters or my fault I wasn’t allowed in the hospital to be with her check on her and the care she was receiving!

Like Geaton said, you can't have POA and have Guardianship too. Guardianship overrides POA and to get it you need to go to Court and find the person incompetent to handle their own finances and health.

When you have POA it is not "over" someone. The person has assigned you as their representative. The decisions you make are based on the wishes of the person who assigned you.

Read your POA, is it immediate or Springing when the person can no longer make an informed decision. If Springing and your sister was competent to make her own decisions, then ur POA was not in effect. Which means your sister was still in charge of making her own decisions. Signing off on her own DNR. Did you make sure the hospital had a copy of the POA on file? Telling them over the phone is not enough. Son is considered closest living relative over siblings.

I have a feeling sister was terminal. Like Alva said, CPR does not always work.

It can become complicated ,decision, but in general the answer is that "Yes, a doctor may refuse to do CPR on a patient" if professional concensus is that the patient cannot live, is too ill to live, and the procedure will cause further injury only. A patient doesn't get CPR until they are dead. To attempt to resuscitate is a "heroic measure", and you can read that as "trying to bring someone back from the dead.
As a Nurse I often thought, when families insisted on CPR because they could not let go of a loved one, that they had to stay at the bedside during it. It is nowhere as pretty as you see on TV, nor anywhere as successful. I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. In today's world this is a very young woman. You were not at the bedside, but as I understand a son was. I wonder if you spoke to him. At any time did your mother refuse CPR/DNR?
I am sorry you are grieving. Sometimes we stay in this "argument" about what was done and what wasn't in order to face the fact, the mourning which is so devastatingly difficult. I hope that you will find peace.
Did a doctor ever speak with you? Did he suggest that your Mom's case was hopeless. Because in all truth, when things are hopeless, CPR can amount to battering a person's body. True enough they are gone, and it is unlikely they can feel it, but it is quite a devastating process.
I wish peace for you, and hope something will happen to help you over this hurdle, and to bring some understanding.

Maybe she was considered competent and this was her choice?

I'm so sorry for your loss in such traumatic circumstances! May you receive peace in your heart.

I need to ask some questions so others can provide better support and suggestions to you:

Can you please clarify if you were PoA - or - guardian? You're either one or the other, not both.

58 is very young...why was she in the hospital in the first place? What were the circumstances of her medical problems?

How did the hospital "know" you were her PoA? Did you provide the legal documents to them?

If you were not allowed to be in the hospital how do you know that they didn't do CPR or take enough measures to save her life? Maybe she had a Living Will on file that had a DNR?

Not that it makes your loss any less awful but many people on this forum lost loved ones in facilities without being able to be with them.