I have been caring for my husband for 5 years. How do I know when to put him in a facility for his sanity and mine?

If you're asking the question, then now is the time to place your husband, in my opinion. By the time a person gets to the point of having to ask 'when is the right time', the time has already passed a while ago!! I'm sure you are exhausted, both mentally and physically, after providing 24/7 care for a person who's totally reliant on you for everything.

There are many Memory Care Assisted Living Facilities that ARE accepting new residents during the pandemic. Most simply require the new resident be quarantined for 14 days upon move in. You may have visiting restrictions, as I do with my mother who lives in a Memory Care ALF, now that the virus has ramped back up again. I have a window visit (with me sitting outside) with her every Sunday for around 30 minutes, weather permitting. The ALF may begin allowing indoor visits once they get clearance from the Health Department and guidance as far as how to go about doing so safely. In any event, you can always have a phone put into his room so you can speak with him daily.

Don't feel guilty, either...........placing him in a Memory Care ALF will provide HIM with other elders to canoodle with, 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, and a variety of activities to keep him occupied. All his needs will be seen to by a staff of people who work 24/7 to make sure he's cared for properly. Check out some ALFs in your area; my advice would be to check out privately owned places vs. corporately owned places. The privately owned ALFs, I have found, are way better and easier to deal with than the corporate owned ones who are primarily interested in money. My mother has been living in her ALF since April of 2015 and she gets a great level of care and respect from the staff over there.

Wishing you the best of luck making a decision that takes BOTH of your needs into consideration. Oftentimes, the only person being considered is the elder who's suffering from dementia........not his care giver who can wind up dying BEFORE he does, due to extreme stress and being exhausted and overworked. Remember; YOU MATTER TOO!

I am going to guess that your husband would probably qualify for Hospice at this point in his journey, and with everything he has going on. Being under Hospice care doesn't mean that your husband will be dead in 6 months, it just means that you will getting some more much needed help with him, such as aides coming several days a week to bathe, a nurse coming once a week, and even volunteers coming to spend time with him. Hospice also does offer their patients family respite as well, which would give you a break while he would be cared for in their Hospice facility. I have a dear friend who's husband has Lewy Body dementia, and he is under hospice care in their home and she is very grateful for the extra help. My husband who had vascular dementia, was under Hospice care in our home for 22 months, before he just recently passed.

If that doesn't sound like an option for you, then it's probably time to be looking for a facility that deals with his type of dementia, as it does sound like you are getting burned out. Being a caregiver for our loved ones is very difficult at times, and only you know how much more you can take. So be kind to yourself and do whatever you feel is best for you and your husband. Best wishes.

You are tired and isolated. You are ready for him to go, whether or not he is. Try respite or a daily care giver to give you some time to yourself maybe first. Be aware with covid restrictions you may not be able to visit with him in person in a facility. This is a bad time for a move, but check all possibilities to find something that will give you a life.