My friend's mom fell and fractured her hip three months ago. She is 89. She had surgery and went straight into a rehabilitation center. Because of covid-19 we could not visit inside the facility but we were able to go to her window and talk to her. She was negative and unpleasant as usual but assured us she was doing her PT. At the 8-week mark, the facility called and said that they were done with her. She was not participating in PT & came up with an excuse EVERY SINGLE DAY. The facility failed to tell us (that's a whole other situation), and wanted someone to come pick her up within 48 hours or admit her to a fulltime nursing home. The facility told us just to get her from the bed into a wheelchair was a 2-person job. SO... my friend and I have been breaking our backs helping her just to stand up. PT comes to the house, she yells and hollers from the pain. Barely able to take teeny tiny steps, insisting she sit down, etc. Today I attempted to help her stand up for 2 and 1/2 hours.. She kept sitting back down saying she just couldn't do it. I had to call my friend @ work & she had to leave early. We got her to bathroom with much effort, changed and back into chair. I go get in bathtub.. Just to get some peace. She mentally drained me. I go onto my phone to check the surveillance camera in family room. She IS WALKING (with a walker but still walking) with hardly any effort, NO PAIN... from the kitchen back to family room. I was SHOCKED. After she couldn't even STAND with my help ?? I wrapped a towel around me and went out there.. she was so quick she was already in her chair. I asked how are you doing? And she replied "oh I'm fine I'm just sitting here". I am LIVID. Anybody else have a similar situation??? Now she is back to struggling and I just don't even want to help her. ADVICE??
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So what I am saying, is her mind may not be telling her she is in pain. But I would go with, she knows what she is doing. My MIL was good at this. I would monitor her and then show her the tapes. Or play her bluff. Tell her if she can't do things on her own, she will need to go to a NH because you are not physically able to continue what u have been doing. And its not fair to her daughter to have to leave work to help.
Another "problem" with dementia, and you will read a lot of this on these posts, their Loved Ones "forget" that they can not walk. This is a reason many falls happen. "Grandma or Dad..will get up from their wheelchair and will try to walk and fall and then break a hip, an arm or crack their head open.
There is also a fear with people that have fallen and broken a hip, an arm that if they get up and walk they will fall again.
Ask the Doctor to order a Sit To Stand.
A Sit to Stand will make it much easier for 1 person to transfer her. It will also make it safer for you as well as mom.
And maybe just try being as sneaky as she is.
If there is a snack she really likes tell her you are setting snack up in the kitchen if she wants some coffee and a piece of coffee cake (or whatever she loves) she can come in when she feels like it. (have something in the oven that makes the kitchen smell real good!) If she does not take the bait try again later. But I would not pressure her.
If you relax around her she might just relax as well. No one likes to be pushed to do something.
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Since she can walk and does walk, you NEED to stop helping her right away. Helping her means you will DISABLE her because her legs will become weaker and weaker from non use. Then she will really be disabled. So stop helping her at once.
Save your sanity and your back. WALK away from her and her drama.