My mother lives alone in a rental. She’ll be 90 in two weeks. She’s declined significantly in the last month and during this period I’ve been assisting daily at her apt. with meals and logistics. She has no assets and spends most of her meager SS on overhead. On Sunday she had an episode and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I’ve been told she’s had strokes, seizures and has complications with her heart and liver. She is now mentally impaired, incontinent and cannot walk. Does anyone have experience with “what’s next”? When she is released from the hospital there’s absolutely no way she can live alone. She has no financial resources for in home nursing or assisted living. Including me, there are no family members whom she can live with. Could anyone give me some advice or insight regarding what’s next, will a social worker intervene at the hospital level? I’m in an absolute panic.
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Parent (mother) is angry, nasty, hateful and ungrateful. It’s affecting my desire to do anything nice for her. It’s affecting my overall mental and physical health. I’m in search of any support and guidance I can obtain."
When she is released from the hospital, it needs to be to a LTC facility of some kind. There should be NO going home to her apartment, to your home, or anywhere else other than a LTC facility. When discharge is discussed, you must be very firm in stating that she is an unsafe discharge to her home. You must also state emphatically that you are unable to be her caregiver. The social worker/discharge person might try and tell you that they will "help" you find a solution if you allow her to be released to her home. If this hospital discharge is to happen within days, they will probably tell you how difficult it is to arrange for her transfer to a facility during this holiday week.
DO NOT FALL FOR ANY OF THIS.
They will have to find a place for her -- this is their job. And do NOT cave into any pressure by any family members or friends. You have been the only one of your many siblings who has done anything for your mother, and you can bet that you will be expected to continue to sacrifice your life in service to your mother.
Keep us updated. Everyone here will be cheering you on!
I.e. so that your mother doesn't say "oh, my daughter visits me every day, and my son brings the groceries" and they take her word for it, for example.
The thing is, normally I'd say oh don't worry they won't just send her home. But over the last three or four weeks we've seen quite a number of people sent home who... don't seem... to be... anything like fit for it. We are living through strange and disturbing times.
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How long has you mom been in the hospital? Mine has been there five days, I’ve only heard from her PC Dr twice. One time I had to call her. She seems to be failing, but it’s very difficult to tell from the sound of her voice. Today I’m going to try to see if I can get info from an attending nurse. It’s so difficult not being able to go to the hospital, and I know it’s VERY difficult on the patient and their ability for self-healing.
To help me decide I set #1 priority as my mother’s safety. She did not live alone but with my brother (who was over 60 y/o). However living with a son is different than living with a daughter as there were many things he was not comfortable doing.
She was admitted due to a fecal impaction (not moving her bowels for about 2 weeks). She fell and broke her hip about 1 year prior. That was the beginning of the end for her. She was 87.
Anyway brother & I decided to place her at a SNF. Not an easy decision at all. One that he and I wrestled with during that time, as well as during the 14 months she stayed there (after the impaction), and then for years after she passed in 2013.
I knew my brother couldn’t take care of her properly (he had been a perfect CG prior to her physical decline). I lived in another state and tried to move both of them here for years but time ran out.
So we worked with the SW to get her on Medicaid (she had no assets) which was done quickly and she was moved to a nursing home very near my brother.
It’s one of the hardest decisions you’ll most likely make but your goal should now be to get mom a bed in a nursing home. She needs care you cannot provide (which most of us would pay to keep them at home if we could afford it). Not many people I know have that option of unlimited $ for care at home. While nothing is guaranteed to be safe, our decision was based on where she would most likely be monitored 24/7 - BM checks, hygiene, etc.
Her medical issues will most likely get worse. She may progress to needing Hospice as well.
My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. Just do the best you can but at times viewing it objectively helps to keep the heartache at bay.
My best to you! Hang in there.
Ask to speak with a social worker at the hospital. 1st thing, make sure that the hospital has admitted her and not just have her under observation. This will help get her into a facility upon release. She needs to be hospitalized for 3 midnight's for insurance to cover rehab.
You need to tell the hospital that she needs a Medicaid facility because she has no one to care for her at home, they should be able to provide you a list of rehabilitation to long term care facilities that accept her insurance for rehabilitation and accept Medicaid pending patients.
You will need to do the research and decide what facility you want her to go to. Have at least 3 that you are happy with, they may not have a bed when she transfers. Be open and honest with them about needing to apply for Medicaid right away, the facility can help you get the ball rolling on that. They will also tell you if they have any Medicaid beds available.
That is what is next after she is released from the hospital.
May God touch your mom and heal her body.
When I went through this with my mother I was told it speeds up the process having the assessment done in the hospital.... I had to fill out paperwork for a different kind of medicaid... may have been called lifelong medicaid which should pay for Nursing home but if you don't want to put her in a nursing home then there's this program called PPL which is what I done.... PPL will either pay you or someone else to take care of your mom at her home....
I'm surprised that nobody at the hospital informed you of anything..... it's not easy in a situation like that especially when you don't know what to expect.....I really feel for you cause I know exactly what you're going through....my mother was a diabetic with heart failure, kidney failure, she had dialysis 3 times a week & could barely walk, fell 2-3 a week at times, I could NOT go anywhere except the grocery store once a month & I practically ran around getting my shopping done as fast as I could scared that she'd fall....
If you decide to put her in a nursing home don't feel guilty....I did & I had to put my life on hold for a little over 3 years & the stress of taking care of her & being cooped up for so long has really taken a toll on me....I wish you & your mom all the best....
They will keep her in the Hospital until she is well enough to go to a Nursing Home.
Please make sure you Do Not let the Hospital Release your mom to you and they will have to keep her until they find a Nursing Home to take her.
She should have Medicare now and If she has no assets then Medicaide will take over.
Just inform the Hospital now that you need to speak to someone to make arrangements for your mom for when she is discharged because she has no place to go.
Definitely pull in the hospital's social worker. Tell them she can't leave until they help her find a long term care facility to go to. Be explicit and firm about the fact that she has no where to go. If they try and talk you into taking her home and just giving you a suggested list of places, tell them you can't take her home. Not an option. Once she leaves the hospital, you lose your "edge" for placement. I know this sounds harsh, but the hospitals have more connections and more weight than you do.
Stay calm and be firm. You'll have plenty to do once they find a facility for her...all of the required paperwork, providing documents, cleaning out her rental, etc...
Good luck and take care.
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