Your profile says she has dementia and also had a stroke. You're not going to be able to "teach" someone with dementia to do anything new. In fact, she is losing her grip on things she already knows. Silvert's makes specialty clothing so that ALZ patients can't strip off their clothes...maybe something like this will slow her down?
If she can hold it why can't she use the toilet or a commode?
Ah, your profile mentions that she thinks she has to go and is running you ragged asking for help. This may help you - Anyone who has spent some time in a nursing home has probably encountered someone who is constantly calling for help, "nurse! nurse!", "help me please, could you please help me", "I need to use the bathroom, please, why won't you take me to the bathroom".... The unfamiliar may think the staff are terrible for ignoring the poor helpless people but they have learned that these are pleas that are not based in reality and can not be alleviated. I think that at this point it has likely become just like that with your mother, the problem isn't so much that she won't use the depends it's that she constantly thinks she has to go or that her brain is stuck in a never ending loop. Do have her checked for a UTI in case there is a physical cause but give yourself permission to stop trying to help her every time she asks, it's doing neither of you any good.
Does she still have access to her regular underwear? If she does, maybe taking them away and putting only Depends in their place will help. Or do you mean she takes her Depends off and pees in other than in the toilet?
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https://www.silverts.com/womens-anti-strip-suit-jumpsuit?___store=english&size=7117&color=6481&cur=usd&gclid=CjwKCAiA5IL-BRAzEiwA0lcWYkav3Fk15irG3poadV4nyFqEkfe8l-xajDgsZL8yTBFTxrzyU4nCExoCw2QQAvD_BwE
Ah, your profile mentions that she thinks she has to go and is running you ragged asking for help. This may help you - Anyone who has spent some time in a nursing home has probably encountered someone who is constantly calling for help, "nurse! nurse!", "help me please, could you please help me", "I need to use the bathroom, please, why won't you take me to the bathroom".... The unfamiliar may think the staff are terrible for ignoring the poor helpless people but they have learned that these are pleas that are not based in reality and can not be alleviated. I think that at this point it has likely become just like that with your mother, the problem isn't so much that she won't use the depends it's that she constantly thinks she has to go or that her brain is stuck in a never ending loop. Do have her checked for a UTI in case there is a physical cause but give yourself permission to stop trying to help her every time she asks, it's doing neither of you any good.
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Hope you find a solution.