Not enough information to provide a good solid answer. Assumption is your mother is having cognitive issues, heading down the dementia path.
What our situation was:
Mom was starting down the dementia path. At least once, she stated it was all too much, but when I offered to take over, she declined. Not too long after, I was helping her with reconciling (she waited THREE years! when I got it down to a few dollars, that was it - adjust and move on!) We already had POAs set up and she had added us to her acct years B4 that. Noting the errors being made, I just stepped in. There was no happy middle.
What I did:
**I temp forwarded her mail 1+ month to redirect billing to my PO box. (this method DID miss the yearly insurance bill! BEWARE non-monthly bills!) **Once I had billing info, I set up bill payer on her acct. **I did not use auto-pay. **I changed the CU acct mailing address to my PO Box. **I redirected SS to CU acct, closed the bank acct, transfer funds by ck to CU. **I also had to have bro take her out and SWEEP the place for all paperwork - she was digging out old crap and driving me NUTS! W2 says Death Benefits, as it was my dad's pension - she says someone died and left her money! OI!!! **I also signed up as rep payee for SS (the only legit way to handle their SS)
If you have POA and can take over everything without discussing it, do it. If she's like my mother was, she might balk and/or complain, but once all the papers were gone and the checks/bills were in my hands, not a peep out of her!
Sometimes there is no way to "help". It works for some (see the other comments), but in other cases, like my mother, this would not have worked. I took over doing her taxes after dad passed. After the first year, I had her adjust the withholding to avoid penalty again and was waiting for the tax documents so I could get it done and confirm I adjusted correctly. I kept asking (this was before forwarding the mail, but even still, those documents won't forward!) and despite this, a few weeks before the tax deadline she says "Well, no one was doing it so I took it to [the blockheads] and I'm getting $5k back!" I knew right away they'd made a huge mess of it! I checked it all and then made THEM fix it!
But, my point is I was trying to "work with her" to get this done and she forgot, even though I asked every few days!!! If your mom is like mine, this will be an activity fraught with frustration, anger, denial, whatever. If she has dementia and you have POAs, do what I did. It's great when we can "help" and bond over some tasks, keeping them active, but this one will likely not be a cake walk!
What have you tried? Advise her to put her regular bills on auto pay. If you haven’t done so, do it together. How old is mom? What makes you think she needs your help at this point? Has she had problems already? Need a bit more info in order to give you better answers.
I had to take over my very independent dad's bills in the last months of his life. I did the bulk of it without his knowledge, as I was on his accounts and his POA, I went to the bank and changed everything to online banking, and paperless billing for his bills. Then I talked to him about the fact that it had gotten overwhelming for him and it was time that I helped. What sold him on it was that I made a notebook, a 3 ring binder with a page for each month, with each bill listed, the due date, the date and amount paid, and how I had paid them. He could quickly look and see what was and wasn’t paid, what had come in and what we were still waiting on. He loved looking at it, seeing that it was all okay and being handled. I printed receipts for things important to him like his charitable contributions and included them in the binder. When he looked at it he felt included and calmed
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
What our situation was:
Mom was starting down the dementia path.
At least once, she stated it was all too much, but when I offered to take over, she declined.
Not too long after, I was helping her with reconciling (she waited THREE years! when I got it down to a few dollars, that was it - adjust and move on!)
We already had POAs set up and she had added us to her acct years B4 that.
Noting the errors being made, I just stepped in. There was no happy middle.
What I did:
**I temp forwarded her mail 1+ month to redirect billing to my PO box.
(this method DID miss the yearly insurance bill! BEWARE non-monthly bills!)
**Once I had billing info, I set up bill payer on her acct.
**I did not use auto-pay.
**I changed the CU acct mailing address to my PO Box.
**I redirected SS to CU acct, closed the bank acct, transfer funds by ck to CU.
**I also had to have bro take her out and SWEEP the place for all paperwork - she was digging out old crap and driving me NUTS! W2 says Death Benefits, as it was my dad's pension - she says someone died and left her money! OI!!!
**I also signed up as rep payee for SS (the only legit way to handle their SS)
If you have POA and can take over everything without discussing it, do it. If she's like my mother was, she might balk and/or complain, but once all the papers were gone and the checks/bills were in my hands, not a peep out of her!
Sometimes there is no way to "help". It works for some (see the other comments), but in other cases, like my mother, this would not have worked. I took over doing her taxes after dad passed. After the first year, I had her adjust the withholding to avoid penalty again and was waiting for the tax documents so I could get it done and confirm I adjusted correctly. I kept asking (this was before forwarding the mail, but even still, those documents won't forward!) and despite this, a few weeks before the tax deadline she says "Well, no one was doing it so I took it to [the blockheads] and I'm getting $5k back!" I knew right away they'd made a huge mess of it! I checked it all and then made THEM fix it!
But, my point is I was trying to "work with her" to get this done and she forgot, even though I asked every few days!!! If your mom is like mine, this will be an activity fraught with frustration, anger, denial, whatever. If she has dementia and you have POAs, do what I did. It's great when we can "help" and bond over some tasks, keeping them active, but this one will likely not be a cake walk!
Advise her to put her regular bills on auto pay. If you haven’t done so, do it together.
How old is mom? What makes you think she needs your help at this point? Has she had problems already?
Need a bit more info in order to give you better answers.
ADVERTISEMENT