My 92 year old mother (has dementia) is refusing to shower. She has an aid to assist her twice a week. How do I convince her to comply?

https://blog.thealzheimerssite.greatergood.com/teepa-crisis/

The above is a useful link from Teepa Snow about bathing tips and techniques for dementia patients. Also watch her videos on the "hand under hand" technique which caregivers and loved ones should learn. This technique gives comfort and reassurance to an often frightened elder who's reluctant to bathe or get dressed etc. She has lots of other great videos on YouTube which you can easily Google to watch.

Good luck with a difficult situation

‘Convincing her to comply’ sounds a bit like the power stand-off that you probably want to avoid. I’m still recovering from surgery a couple of weeks ago, and for me stripping, shower, drying and dressing still feels like gym workout, even using the shower chair that was left over from MIL. Like you say, once a week is probably enough anyway.

Many old people do quite well with a sponge wash with warm water in a hand basin, just on the smelly bits. If your mother is changing into and out of nighties for nights, perhaps you could fit the wash into that process, if you can manage the aide hours at the right times. If she doesn’t smell, you could ask her how she is coping now. Improving what she is doing may be better than forcing the full shower catastrophe.

Regarding UTIs, I used to get them regularly until a doctor finally explained that they were an infection which always came from faeces (back-to-front wiping, ‘wet farts’, or messy diapers). As I often had diarrhoea, I became much more careful about washing and changing knickers if in any doubt, and I now haven’t had a UTI in years. We say UTI without thinking that I is infection, and infection has to come from somewhere! I was quite angry when I realised that I could have avoided all my problems, with just that little bit of information.

Good luck!

My mom howled like an animal about showers, and it turned out that for some reason she absolutely couldn't stand having water spraying on her head. She literally though she was drowning. I finally got their bathroom remodeled and had a hand-held sprayer installed along with a shower seat, and she calmed down significantly when the water didn't go all over her face. It seems like the sensory stimulation of shower spray just made her nuts, plus she got cold really, really fast.

You have all the equipment, so perhaps try a different angle. Also see what this article says -- https://www.nursingcenter.com/ce_articleprint?an=00000446-200604000-00026