I am POA for my sister who has dementia. My other sibling is a caregiver and won't let her go to a skilled facility - any advice?

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bhart77 Asked December 2020

I am POA for my sister who has dementia. My other sibling is a caregiver and won't let her go to a skilled facility - any advice?

I am POA and have been looking into memory care units for my sister. One of my other siblings tried to be her caregiver but I don't feel it's working for so many reasons and don't feel she is getting the proper level of care. But now as the caregiver - she won't agree to let me move my sister with dementia to a facility even though I am POA. Any advice on how to handle?

Elder Law Memory Care Power of Attorney (POA) Relationships

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score 1 · Answer 1

My POA was never questioned. Your sister can no longer make decisions. As her representative you make the decisions for her. IMO your POA gives you the right to place her in a safe place. She gave you POA not ur other sister. You don't need anyone's permission to place her. If the caregiver sister wants to go over your head she can get guardianship but its expensive.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Your caregiver sister - what are her main objections to placing your vulnerable sister in memory care? Can you list them, seeing them from her point of view?

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score 0 · Answer 3

BH, the wording of most POA,'s doesnt give you the ability to force a placement. Only guardianship does that.

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I had no problem placing my Mom and she was about the 6th stage.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Can you please give specific examples of how your caregiver sister's efforts are impacting your sister with dementia? I hear you say the CG sis has her hands full and that you "can imagine what falls through the cracks" but this doesn't mean anything is falling through the cracks -- just that you can't imagine how someone like her can do it all well. So, you need to name specific incidents and examples that happen on an ongoing basis. Also, does your sis with dementia have the funds herself to afford MC in a good facility? This may be a deciding factor.

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She has the funds for a proper facility. The living quarters are tight, medicine is not being given consistently.. I wouldn't take this stance lightly and without justification as I'd prefer her with a family member than a facility - trust me on that. The situation has been assessed just trying to figure out how to move forward in enforcing the POA. Thanks for your input.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Your sister is caring for her Mother? And she wishes to keep giving care? Does your sister want to move to ALF/Memory Care? POA is acting in the best interest of someone incapable of making her own decision. But if you move her the other Sister may attempt to become guardian for her Sister. You are then in for mediation at best and loss of guardianship for either of you at worst under the law.
What are a few reasons that you believe that this is not working, and your sister is unsafe in the caregiving?

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not my mother, it's confusing but there are three of us (all sisters). I am POA and had a different caregiver for my sister who relocated. With the onset of COVID we tried to avoid a facility and my other sister stepped up. But she has a household of many, trying to run a small business while attempting to provide 24 hour support for my sister with dementia. You can imagine what falls through the cracks. I hear great things about memory care units and want to be sure my sister is getting skilled help when needed. I'm trying to be reasonable and talk through options but I'm no longer being heard.

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score 3 · Answer 6

What does your sister want? This is really HER decision.

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I wish it were that simple as that is the question I keep asking myself - but she has advanced dementia and not able to understand who we are much less what the options are... but we attempted this hoping it would work well but it hasn't.

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I am POA for my sister who has dementia. My other sibling is a caregiver and won't let her go to a skilled facility - any advice?

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