Covid and holiday gatherings with 89 year old mom. What should we do?

You answered your own question.

You said, “I don’t want to go.” So, don’t do it.

She’s not giving up. Well you don’t have to give up either.

Tell her, No! If you can’t bear to hear her complain and of course it’s hard to hear, then walk away, wear ear plugs and most of all tell her that is your FINAL decision! She will give up because she has to.

We are in the home stretch concerning COVID. I don’t blame you for not wanting to get together with others.

Keep your ears open about the future. If her doctor approves a visit later on, it will be just as nice.

She doesn’t have to have a visit during the Christmas season.

I love my nephews and their families but I won’t be seeing them. They FaceTimed with me for Thanksgiving. I was fine with that.

Stick to your guns. Don’t cave! Do what is best for you.

This truly is best for your mom too. Her doctor has not approved of any socializing at this time. It is heartbreaking.

It’s truly sad but unfortunately, these are the times that we are living in.

You've all had the virus already, which means you have antibodies to it. My DD is an RN and had covid last January before the doctors even knew what it was. She's worked in covid units inside of a downtown Denver hospital ever since, and has not been reinfected.

Your mother is 89 years old and has survived the virus. I'd let her do whatever she wants to do with regard to celebrating the holidays this year. You can stay home if you'd like to, but why should she have to?

And to say this whole thing will be 'over' in a few more months is wishful thinking, really. Even with a vaccine, only a certain percentage of us will be willing to take it, meaning 'herd immunity' is unlikely to happen. I seriously doubt there's an end in sight for at least another year if not more. Who can live in fear for THAT long?

We only have today, each of us. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. God bless you and your mom, and good luck with whatever decision she makes.

My message is to your mother and everyone who are thinking of gathering with family members outside your household. Selfishness is how we got to be the country on the planet with the most infection. When our primal instinct to be with family and friends starts to dominate, we must each remind ourselves that our decisions impact many other individuals, those we hold dear and even those we don’t know. This is a highly contagious illness and we don’t know a whole lot about it. One may not get the illness themselves, but be a carrier and transmit the disease. Antibodies you may have in your body don’t necessarily mean that you do not transmit it to others. The infectious disease docs don’t even know for sure whether the vaccine will work to prevent us from transmitting the virus even if we have no symptoms. Tell your 89 year old mother to give up the selfishness. It’s not just about her. We all need to take a step back and listen to what this pandemic is trying to teach us.

"But if that's not you, perhaps you can stay home, and let one of her nephews come and get her,"

But then Mhillwt will be the one to have to take care of her mother if she contracts it again, and might end up contracting it again herself.

Well, I'll be blunt. You are right - don't go. Period. No arguments accepted. I'd check into zoom. It is really pretty good. Basically I'd remind mom that we are ALL having to man up here and do the safe thing, for ourselves and for others, especially the worked into the ground healthcare workers.

I see you’ve made a decision to honor your mother’s fervent wishes. Last Christmas my dad was adamant that it would be his last one, none of us knew it would be true or took his talk very seriously. I’m not at all saying this will be the case with your mother. I just know that sometimes it’s important to listen to our seniors and be respectful of their wishes. I would do this in a minute, with a barrage of hand sanitizer and masks, but I believe there are times the memories are more than the fears. I wish you peace in this

Your doctor is absolutely correct. If we are ever going to get a handle on Covid we must not get together in large groups. Ask your family members to call your mom and if they have gifts for her, drop them off. Do you have Skype? That would enable her to see her family. Tell your mom that you will have the family over to celebrate when covid is under control. Emphasize that is in everyone's best interest to not get together. Tell her that you love her and don't want her to end up in hospital. Your mom might be in need of treatment for depression. I have a 92 yr old mom who is in a retirement home. I know she would like to be with us on Christmas day but she knows staying apart is best for all of us. Good luck to you. I know it's hard but we will get through this sooner if we take precautions.

The CDC reports:
"Whether you test positive or negative for COVID-19 on a viral or an antibody test, you still should take steps to protect yourself and others.
We do not know how much protection (immunity) antibodies to the virus might provide against getting infected again. Confirmed and suspected cases of reinfection have been reported, but remain rare. Scientists are working to understand this."

If the 'experts' do not know, how can you know that your Mother is immune?

The wise conclusion would be to stay home at this time. If everyone cooperated instead of looking for exceptions for themselves, we could be safer from the spread of infection. You have the right to choose to stay home.

I am going to address "This could be my last Christmas". Don't fall for that guilt trip. My mother would say, "I think this is going to be my last year" for almost 15 years. I know she felt that way, but there was no reason for it. I got tired of hearing it. If she dies whether or not she does anything this Christmas doesn't matter. If she believes she is going to heaven, she will be so involved in spiritual activities, it won't matter. If she is atheist it doesn't matter. If she is too sick next year to go somewhere, people can come to her. Hug her and tell her that as soon as it is safe, you can have a big family get together.

Imho, I would not advocate any family gatherings for your mother during this time.