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lsudvm91 Asked December 2020

How do I handle family bullying me about re-homing Mom’s dog??

Mom has been in a nursing home for 2 years. Her dog has spent that time living alone downstairs. I live upstairs on the second floor w my 5 parrots, 15 yr old grumpy cat & a miniature poodle. I’m @ max pet limit!! Mom’s dog is terrified of the parrots. When I did let her dog upstairs, she would hide in a corner under a table in my bedroom. I’m disabled & have several chronic illnesses; Fibromyalgia, CFS, chronic migraine & headaches, Sjogrens Syndrome, Dysautonomia, peripheral neuropathy & more. Family, including mom, decided it was my responsibility to take care of her dog. This responsibility was dumped in my lap. There was no dysfunctional family discussion about it. There were many times I asked siblings & my dad for help. At times I was breaking down in tears. Nobody would help. In Sept I contacted a reputable dog rescue & surrendered the dog. While w the rescue, mom’s dog had excellent care. She saw the rescue’s Vet. Under Veterinary care she had a thorough physical exam, dental, surgery to remove a benign mass from a paw & ear, bloodwork, UA. UA indicated a UTI which was successfully treated. I was able to follow the dog on the rescue’s FB page, plus they personally kept me informed thru the adoption process. The adoption took place 2 wks ago. I wanted to wait for the adoption to occur & give some time for everyone to settle in before I told mom. During that time, I used a “therapeutic lie” once telling mom that dad was still walking her dog once a day. (Parents are divorced.) This happened on the first day after adoption. 2 days after the adoption my dad & a brother put me in a position where I had to go ahead & tell my mom about the rescue, adoption, etc. They are bullies along w the rest of my family. My brother called me w my dad on the line so they could tag team bully me. Both were saying, “how could you do this to mom, why did you do this to mom, you must hate your mother, your mother thinks you hate her”, etc. My dad & siblings have not been honest w mom about her initial diagnosis, health, prognosis, Medicaid rules & more. Everyone in my family except mom knows she is never coming home. This is a “therapeutic lie.” Each person has their own agenda that relates to their inheritance. My agenda was to make this dog’s overall well-being a priority. I was the only person concerned about her emotional, social, physical needs & more. None of these was being met. I couldn’t continue to let her live such a miserable, lonely & isolated life. The situation was adversely affecting my health. I was fortunate to find a breed specific rescue for senior dogs. She is 11yrs old. I’ve seen pics of her new family & home. This is a rags to riches dog story w a very happy ending!! New family took her to a Veterinary Cardiologist who diagnosed her w an enlarged heart & began treatment. She has an upcoming appt to address her allergies. I tried talking to mom about re-homing her dog several times. At one time, I had 3 homes available that would allow me to pick up mom’s dog for a nursing home visit. Even w those options, nobody was willing to do anything or discuss it. I think it’s selfish to waste a dog’s precious life. My family should have been supportive of my decision to surrender mom’s dog especially since they weren’t willing to help or provide a home. This dog wouldn’t have received such thorough & life saving Veterinary care if it was still living downstairs alone. She now has a furever family w lots of love, attention & company. Handling family backlash & hatefulness is a lot more difficult than I expected.

Beatty Dec 2020
You got this!
🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐈🐕

Your inn was full. Fact.
So you found a compassionate solution for Mom's dog instead. A real success story in that doggy has been adopted.

You were wise to not tell them until it was settled. Now you can keep reinforcing to Mom the happy story: Her dog has a new family who loves it. Well done!

"My family should have been supportive of my decision to surrender mom’s dog especially since they weren’t willing to help or provide a home". I couldn't agree more. 

I think I would forget I had a brother or father & keep company with my animals & kinder humans instead.

funkygrandma59 Dec 2020
Don't give this decision another thought. You did what was best for moms dog, period. That's more than any other family member did, so please don't waste any more of your time worrying about what the family thinks, as stress I'm sure doesn't help all your health issues. Just be grateful that her dog finally has the life that she deserves and doesn't have to live by herself downstairs anymore.

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Tothill Dec 2020
Boundary setting is so hard, but it is needed. There is no rule, law etc, that requires you to take abuse from anyone.

You are allowed to hang up the phone, block texts etc, if anyone is being disrespectful.

You did what you feel was the right thing for the dog. As no one else was willing to step up, they do not get a say in the situation.

I am not sure from your post if you have not told Mum or are feeling pressured to by your Dad and brother? If you feel it is the right time to tell Mum, then do so. If Dad and brother are telling you they will spill the beans if you do not fess up, let them do it. Yes it will upset Mum, but you would not be allowing them to set the agenda.

Grandma1954 Dec 2020
The way the dog was living, alone was cruel. Granted the dog was not beaten, starved or physically abused but it was emotionally abused.
If the rest of the family was so concerned they could have taken the dog at any time during the last 2 years.
If there are any more calls berating you for surrendering the dog, hang up. Just politely say "I am not going to have this conversation" and hang up.
If they start this in person say," I am not having this conversation" and leave the room. If possible leave the house. If they are at your house you can hand them their coats and escort them to the door.

Countrymouse Dec 2020
What's difficult about it?

You made responsible decisions to protect the animal's welfare. I should print off some of those happy ending pictures, if I were you, and make a kind of story book for your mother of them. If it's true she loves her dog - and why wouldn't she? Why wouldn't we think she wants her dog to be happy and well cared for? - it will make her happy to see him/her having such a good life.

I don't know what the rest of the family thinks it's playing at, but stuff them. What a bunch of idiots.

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