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Capron2020 Asked December 2020

Father refuses to wash hands or even use soap! Advice?

We received my father in law back in August after he fell and broke his hip and was deemed he could no longer live in his own. He was an alcoholic who's health/living situation was so bad that he was almost remitted to state care. So after 2 months in the hospital and rehab he came here to live with a feeding tube. We remodeled the house, gave him his own bathroom and bought him all his needs. I have NOT BOUGHT SOAP since I stocked that bathroom in August. Small 6oz bottle of hand soap still full. He lies and says he washes them but he does not. He's not allowed in my kitchen or to make his own food because he's so un-hygienic! We have explained the importance of good hygiene especially since his feeding tube area practically caught gangeen and had to go to the hospital wreaking like he died a week ago!! Then he was complaining the formula was giving him bad poops but we figured out that he was giving himself ecoli feeding himself with unclean hands. I'm ready to put him in a home which I vowed never to do. There's no dementia or any other reason other than pure laziness. He hasn't drank or smoked since August. He wears a back brace because his back hurts so bad because he rather watch metv all day than get out of bed for a walk. Which there's no reason he can't walk either. I just need some advice! He's up all night long. Sleeps maybe 3-5 hrs a night but he's up about 2 am!

funkygrandma59 Dec 2020
I have to chuckle at your wording in your first sentence, that you "received" your father-in-law, like he was a present. That's one present you'd like to take back, from the sounds of it huh?

In all seriousness though, the fact that he does have a feeding tube, really makes it very important for him to keep his hands clean when he has to feed himself, as he has already had issues from not doing just that. If he is not comprehending the importance of that, it might very well be time to place him in a facility where he will have 24/7 care and have someone else feeding him. They would probably make him do some kind of PT, as well, which would be much better for him, other than laying in bed all day and watching TV. Might just be a win, win for all involved. You have to do what's best for you and your family at this point, regardless of what you've "vowed". Best wishes.

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