We used to get angry phone calls with the "YOU are going to have to get me out of here NOW" demands. This would be followed by her complaints (always the same ones.....) about the food, laundry service, phone doesn't work right, etc. She would also complain that we sold her car and would complain about being the only person in "this place" who can carry on a conversation. As sad and heartbreaking as it was to hear her in that state, she's in a facility because she needed 24/7 care and that was the only way to get it. As far as her ability to move out on her own, I have not seen where she has even made a phone call to an apartment complex or to a moving company or to a utility company regarding any upcoming move. If she's of such sound mind/body, I would think she would have moved herself out by now! She would also need to arrange for meds, food, doctor visits, laundry service, someone to clean up urine/feces accidents, someone to pick her up when she falls, etc and I think deep down she knows she cannot effectively even arrange those things - let alone carry it all out. If she tries to leave the facility (she did get out once with help of an accomplice, but was brought back), she is ON HER OWN from the point where she leaves against medical advice. I think she knows it really cannot happen without significant help - which she really does not have. We have had to communicate this to her consistently and firmly. Hang in there - it's draining.
Midkid said it... who wants to go to an ALF? They think it's a reflection of their dignity, you're abandoning them, their independence and there's all those old people there. My wife went from homecare directly to MC. She went beserk! Broke the family pictures, damaged the blinds and the room thermostat. She had to spend 2 weeks in psychiatric care. Another lady there always carried her suitcase with her waiting for her son to pick her up.
Anger and the feeling of abandonment is not unusual. Because AL is not a secured area, the staff should be quite vigilant about her whereabouts. They can't stop her from leaving but should have a plan in place if she does leave the facility.
Very few people are happy to enter AL, and it really does depend on their attitude, their mental skills, their feelings of being abandoned and such---my mother went into a rehab after a knee replacement and when she saw how nasty it was, she threw one heckuva fit. Threw stuff, yelled. AT ME. When I was the one who TOLD HER the place was a dump.
She actually was unsuccessful at leaving, my sis stepped in and took her to a nicer place and paid the difference. Mom still was angry and pissy for 12 long weeks, but she had made the CHOICE to go to rehab.
She'd be the same if she went into AL.
All I can say is: be strong and don't take it personally if your parent is pitching fits and is angry.
It's unlikely that they can effectively get themselves out of AL, without help. They're in there for a reason.
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Anger and the feeling of abandonment is not unusual. Because AL is not a secured area, the staff should be quite vigilant about her whereabouts. They can't stop her from leaving but should have a plan in place if she does leave the facility.
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It's not funny, actually, not at all.
Very few people are happy to enter AL, and it really does depend on their attitude, their mental skills, their feelings of being abandoned and such---my mother went into a rehab after a knee replacement and when she saw how nasty it was, she threw one heckuva fit. Threw stuff, yelled. AT ME. When I was the one who TOLD HER the place was a dump.
She actually was unsuccessful at leaving, my sis stepped in and took her to a nicer place and paid the difference. Mom still was angry and pissy for 12 long weeks, but she had made the CHOICE to go to rehab.
She'd be the same if she went into AL.
All I can say is: be strong and don't take it personally if your parent is pitching fits and is angry.
It's unlikely that they can effectively get themselves out of AL, without help. They're in there for a reason.