My father has PPA and lives at home under care of mom and gets urges to leave. When stopped he becomes aggressive. What to do now?

Set up cameras in the home so you can get a better idea of what's going on. You can hear and talk from it. I had it installed by my son for my 96 yr old Dad who is living in his home with Caregiver help.

If your Dad really wants to go live in a home, take your Dad to visit a couple homes.

Let you Dad know that right now with the Covid, there would be no visitations.

Find hobbies for your Dad as he is probably very bored.

Mare sure your mom has a Caregiver come in at least a few hrs a couple times a week to give her a break

If dad indicates he wants to go, take advantage of his own decision. Calm your mom by way of finding a few facilities and asking them how they handle covid. Your mom is going to eventually get hurt. His anger can increase to the point he loses it while she tries to detain him. Talk to her about her own safety - what if he did knock her down and break a hip, or she couldn't get to the phone, or if he really walked away. You can't get there in time to help anyone. If she is more agreeable about a move, check out something closer to you. Mom will eventually need some help and/or regular visits at a facility.

At my mother’s lovely MC facility, by law, we are able to visit twice a week. We can also have window visits, Zoom calls, and telephone visits. I am in Florida. Your state may have different rules, but they may not be as isolating as you fear.

I fear you are enabling this situation; Mom is calling you, and you are coming. She is then able to put off what is inevitable. The New Year is a good time to sit Mom down and to reason with her; explain that you are now going to set limitations on coming to help her. It isn't reasonable for her to try to continue in what is essentially memory care needs for your Dad. What your Dad says, unfortunately, really isn't relevant to the conversation anymore.
As long as Mom can stay in denial about what is inevitable is as long as she will be calling on you to help what cannot really BE helped. Unfortunately not everything can be made perfect and not everything has a "fix it" solution now. I am so sorry for the grief which is clearly now a part of all of your lives.

If your father’s present functional level places your mother’s safety at risk, or seems to be escalating even a little, you will need to take action on your mother’s behalf before a physical injury results.

Since he’s medicated already, contact the prescribing physician and give that person a brief description of Dad’s behavior. What he SAYS is not as important as what he DOES. If his behavior improves with a different medication, encourage your mom to get on line and take a look at residential settings that are close to her home.

Visiting early on is not as important and sometimes not as advisable, as it is as residency progresses.

Please urge your mother to plan an escape route from her home in case he moves to injure her. Also, if she hasn’t done so, encourage her to start making a list of what triggers his negative behaviors so that she can possibly avoid his triggers whenever possible.

Your father needs to be placed in a Memory Care ALF for his safety AND for your mother's safety. PLUS he needs a medication change because aggressive behavior in a community setting is not acceptable either. Your mother may not want to place him, yet he himself says he wants to be!!!!!!! What more do you need? It would be very unfortunate to wait until he hurts your mother or leaves the house and gets lost one night before the move is made.

Window visits can be made at most Memory Care ALFs. My mother lives in one and we window visit her on Sundays. She sits in a chair about 2 feet away from us, separated by a glass window, and we speak to her over the phone. The covid vaccines will be administered to all long term care facilities within the next few months, so indoor visits should resume after they're all vaccinated.

Wishing you all the best of luck making the right decision for BOTH of your parents!