My mum has early dementia but is refusing aged care assessments. Any tips?

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MeganL Asked January 2021

My mum has early dementia but is refusing aged care assessments. Any tips?

Just had a nice old conversation with mum (Aussie spelling). In a few short minutes, I got confabulation, delusion, confusion, paranoia and the uba parent routine.

She had an appointment with a geriatrician today for her 6 monthly aged care assessment but didn't turn up. She is refusing to undergo these assessments, has changed her GP because the old male one kept referring her to these aged care assessments, now she has a woman GP (but couldn't remember her name) she won't have to have the aged care assessments. She doesn't want anyone interfering and she will 'cut me off' (mum thinks she is sitting on a pile of diamonds and pearls) if I exercise powers under the medical guardianship. She scored 19 out of 30 in her most recent MOCA.

I'll just quietly chat with the new GP on Monday. Sigh. I have a brother who helps mum when it suits him. Unfortunately, he has not experienced mum's symptoms as he only spends a couple of hours at the most in her company. Does anyone have any tips? I'm glad I found this site.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Delusions Dementia Behaviors Paranoia Refusing Care

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thanks, Barb. I think if I lived with mum, I'd be serving time in Bandyup Women's' Prison down the road from here! In Australia, you have to be assessed as requiring NH care before you can enter a facility. Then its a case of what level of care you need and what facilities provide it. So, you may not be able to enter the NH of your choice. Bless mum, she thinks she will skip the light fantastic up the hill to the NH that is part of the medical complex where she lives when she decides she needs 24 care. Not sure what that will look like as she is currently in denial!

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score 1 · Answer 2

By the time my mother scored a 19 on the MoCa cognitive exam, she'd been in Assisted Living for 2 years.....that was 2016. By 2019 she scored a 10 and had to be moved into Memory Care.

I'd get mum moved if it were me, and forfeit the jewels she'll be withholding from you as a result. 😃

Safety is top priority. I'd also rethink the driving......her executive brain function is compromised with a score of 19 meaning her judgement and reflexes aren't the best.

Good luck with a stubborn woman....not easy, I know

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score 1 · Answer 3

Megan, what do you want the outcome to be? Please do not hesitate to employ "therapeutic fibs" to get her to do what will be in her best interests.

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Yes, I'm already thinking the assessments are required 'to maintain her driver's licence and independent living'.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Dtto. Have had the quiet chats with the GP. Have a sibling in denial of situation & have other family members enabling bad decisions.

Having to let the real world consequences take effect.

What's not working for your Mum in independant living? Like it is dire safety stuff? Gas on? Falls etc?

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God bless mum. She doesn't realise her medical file goes from one GP to the next - especially as it's within the same surgery. There were a number of falls last year that not even her GP knew about. Mum is very deceptive. She changed GPs because Dr Finton was doing the right thing and treating her dementia. What does she think the new GP will do? Mum is actually in a good place. She has kind neighbours who look out for her and my brother lives close by when on his swing from the mine. The assessments were just to monitor the progress of the dementia so perhaps they can be done by the new GP.

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score 4 · Answer 5

Hi MeganL, and welcome to the forum!

Watch Teepa Snow on YouTube. Amazing advice on dealing with dementia behaviors.

Sometimes UTIs can cause further confusion in elders, dementia or no.

Sometimes other family members just don't see the dementia. My brother claimed that all of mom's hand-wringing anxiety (dementia related) was her having a "pity party". The neurologist explained the dementia to him. I highly recommend having your brother talk to the doc.

Sometimes we need to do things to protect our loved ones that cause them to resent us. It sounds like you are in that position with your mom.

One piece of advice. Do not even consider taking her to live with you or moving in with her. If there is already suspicion and paranoia, it is only going to get worse.

Having her in a good Assisted Living or Memory Care facility where there is trained staff to deal with her delusions is the best thing. Good luck!

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My mum has early dementia but is refusing aged care assessments. Any tips?

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