Dealing with living with someone, any suggestions?

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Caregiver510 Asked January 2021

Dealing with living with someone, any suggestions?

Hello you all out there.
I've recently had to move in with my Mom because of my Dad's apartment being moldy. And now we are here with her and I am here cooking and caring for my Dad with NO HELP from her. Like I know that we are staying here with her but shouldn't she at LEAST help me with him or am I tripping? This is SO HARD because I don't like her and I know her malicious intentions for my Dad because she doesn't care about him and she just wants her money and of course my Dad doesn't understand that. What do you guys suggest I do or how am I going to get through this? And to make matters worse my Dad thinks that we all should all come together and live together and of course I oblige VERY MUCH!
Please someone tell me how can I get through this because I have so much animosity and anger against her. It's so much that I want to say to her but I can't because of this situation and you know how it is when you live with someone.
Any suggestions are welcome please.

Burnout Family Caregiver Parents

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score 1 · Answer 1

I can tell you are carrying a load of baggage from your past which obviously influences your expectations for what you believe her behaviour should be in the present. Just for a moment take all of that out of the equation and consider how this would be different if she was not your mother but a friend or neighbour who opened her home at a time when you were in need - would you still have an expectation that she should help care for your dad? Whatever ill advised twist of fate had you moving in with her you need to remember that she owes your father nothing, he is her ex and whatever the reason they parted ways. Hopefully you will be able to return to your previous living arrangements soon, if that isn't in the cards then you need to figure out your next move because this isn't a viable solution for any of you.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Wow! This is a heavy burden to deal with. I don’t have any answers, but is there anyway you can start looking for another source for housing? My parents were also divorced. My dad with dementia also wanted us to return as a family. I understand that stress for sure. You will find some good advice on this site. I’m praying for God’s wisdom, clarity, insight and restoration to fill you. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

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score 0 · Answer 3

How come your mother agreed to this? And how long are you planning to stay with her?

It isn't that I don't sympathise with how hard it is to be caring for your father; but from your mother's point of view it sounds as though she doesn't want him or you staying there. And you're expecting her to share the domestic workload? - well, thinking of it from that angle, yes I'm afraid you probably are tripping!

The key thing must be to get his apartment sorted out and get him home. Is that going to be possible? If not, what else is on offer?

If you don't mind my asking (and/or you feel like venting?) how did it come about that your parents separated, and how long ago?

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They have been separated for some time now, but they are still married. Long story short they lost a house that she was not partaking in to help keep it up and it got out of hand where my DAD couldn't keep up with the payments by himself so it was no choice but to pet the house go. So from there they let the house go and went there separate ways.

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Dealing with living with someone, any suggestions?

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