Dealing with mom's obsession over meds, delusions, hallucinations, severely convoluted interaction and now mom says she fears me. Advice?

Now is the time to consider placement for your mother in a Memory Care Assisted Living community. Most of us do not have the experience, intestinal fortitude or patience to deal with demented elders at home 24/7. I sure don't. My mother has been in a Memory Care AL since June of 2019 (and in the regular AL since 2014) and will move to a Skilled Nursing Facility when her $$$ runs out for private pay and I apply for Medicaid. There is no way I could or would care for her at home; we'd be arguing and yelling all the time, and that's not healthy for ANYONE!

Good luck!

Teaton, make an appointment with your Mom's primary care doctor and have Mom checked for an urinary tract infection. Such an infection can cause obsessions delusions, hallucinations, and fear.

Dealing with anyone 24/7 that has any kind of mental decline, is at its best, very difficult, so don't beat yourself up for getting angry or impatient, as you are only human. I will tell you this though, the one we're caring for often will mirror whatever mood we tend to be in, so please be aware of that, and try not to show your frustration to your mom, as that can and will only make matters worse. You have to now remember that moms brain is broken and that it cannot be fixed, so you have to try hard not to take anything she says or does personally. I know that's easier said than done, but the sooner you can learn that, the easier your life will be. Know this too, that things with your mom's mental health will only continue to get worse, so if you don't feel that you are equipped to continue to deal with it, then perhaps now is the time to start looking for the appropriate facility to place her in. And if for the time being you want to try and look after her, then you might need to get some hired help in to assist you, so you can get some much needed breaks, as that will help with your frustrations and patience as well. There are no easy answers here. We all do the very best we can, for the ones we love. Wishing you smoother roads ahead. God bless you.

From what you have said I fear you have just bumped up against your limitations. You cannot care for someone with dementia 24/7 in your home. That isn't a criticism. I knew I could NEVER do this a single day in my life before I even tried to; I never did try to.
As to guilt, that's the wrong word. The word is grief. You understand your loved one is losing who she is and you are losing that as well. She cannot understand and you cannot accept that she can't. At the same time you are recognizing you are not capable of caring for her at home. So you are grieving. Were you an even felon who did malice daily and took joy in that---that would mean you needed to feel guilt. But being a normal human being who feels helpless, desperate and distraught isn't worthy of guilt, but rather of grief.
Do understand that at least some of your anger and frustration may be indicating at least some depression on your own part; depression often manifests as bursts of anger. You are in a sense in a state of shock, not having understood beforehand what you were trying to take on.
Now we have the semantics out of the way it is time to recognize that your loved one must have placement. If you can possibly hold out until she has Covid vaccinations, attempt to do so.
You cannot argue with dementia. You cannot school dementia. You cannot cure dementia. You cannot reason with dementia. Try to educate yourself all you can. Barb often recommends YouTube's Teepa Snow's videos.
Wishing you good luck. Speak with the doctor as soon as you can and ask for help for a way forward for placement in facility care.

Your profile mentions heart disease as well as Alzheimer's/dementia. Perhaps the best place to start is with information for family caregivers about some of the mental impacts that might be going on?

But the best place for us to start - ! - is with welcoming you and reassuring you that you are not alone in finding this particular learning curve an overwhelming challenge.

Feeling frustrated, then angry, then guilty are ALL NORMAL. Hugs to you. Would you like to say a bit more about what is happening, and how long it's been going on?