Husband with Alzheimer’s hooked up ash vac wrong and hot embers all over floor. I step on one and screamed and yelled at him to get wet towels before the floor burned. He got upset and grabbed his car keys and left. He hasn’t driven for a couple months. I’ve been trying to be patient with him as I know he can’t help what he does and I really screwed up this morning. I feel as though if he gives up it’s all because of me and I don’t know what to do. I failed him. Praying that he comes home safe. I don’t know how much more he can take or how much longer I can go this way
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Also, stop praying that your husband comes home safe. If he has Alzheimer's even if it's mild right now and in the early stages, he cannot be driving a car. That puts him in danger and also every other innocent person in the area where he's driving. Other drivers, pedestrians taking a walk, children playing outside.... Those car keys have to be taken away.
Your husband may forget what happened. You need to forgive yourself. May be time to oversee everything he does. I was the child who could be made to feel guilty. I refused to allow myself to feel guilt with my Mom. I was the only child doing the hands on caring. The one who was here. Patience I don't have, got that from Mom. Mom is gone and when I get those guilt feelings, I push them back. I did what I could the best I could.
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Your husband is probably upset with himself right now because you got burned by the ember. That's okay, because that is also a natural reaction. After you both calm down I think you will both see it was just an accident, and move past it.
Now that you know your husband may grab the keys and go when he gets upset, I think it's time to hide the keys. Also you can anonymously report him to the DMV so they can require he have a driving evaluation, and also revoke his license if he is not safe to drive.
Please let us know how it goes, and how you are doing.