Doctors recently recommended my 72 yo mother in law have at least one, possibly both, feet amputated below the knee due to complications from diabetes. There is a small chance of saving one, and she has not yet made her decision. My husband and I are considering having her move in with us after surgery and some time in skilled nursing. We would have a bedroom and bathroom on the main level for her. Has anyone done this for their parent? Can anyone elaborate on what kind or level of care we may be looking at providing? Should we plan on having to do all of the transferring in/out if her wheelchair? Will she possibly be able to dress herself? Would she be able to be left home alone for short periods of time (like an hour or less)? My husband (her son) works full time from home, but I work in an office. We'd plan on having home health/PCA in to help out during the day as well. We also have 3 kids in the home ranging from 9 to 14 which we need to consider. Looking for any and all advice. Thank you!
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I am a nurse. I am not saying this cannot be done but it is a huge undertaking that could go on for 20 years. Amputees can and do live full lives but it is a struggle for them and their personality and strength of will are huge factors. I am concerned you don’t understand the enormity of this. I am sure your husband feels obligation but this will be an enormous long term commitment. How will you leave her to go on vacation. Your whole lives will revolve around her.
if there are any other options, please consider them.
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Good advice in previous posts. I would also consider her temperament and how she would adapt to living with an active family. My parents had difficult adapting to me coming to live with them—and I am 63! (I am actually moving out tomorrow!). As good/noble it may seem...offering to take her in....it will be much more than you bargained for.
Do seek outside help on assessing your home and advice like the nurse above gave. Before each amputation, they tried saving the foot using wound vac and oxygen chamber therapies. Our dining room was turned into a hospital room. The process took over our lives...it isn’t like recovering from a routine surgery.
Best wishes as you decide.
There will be a lot of lifting. Even with one leg. I would make sure I understood what was involved in her caregiving. How much of it the family may be expected to do. You may need special transportation for her.
My family went through a nightmare and I am sure what happened is not the norm.
My mom was 78. Due to circulatory problems, she needed to have her leg amputated below the knee. She seemed pretty matter-of-fact about it ahead of time but couldn’t face it after it happened, and fell into a depression. Then the stump started dying, so her leg had to be re-amputated above the knee.
Mom had always been independent but was now looking at not driving, not working in the yard, not living alone. She seemed overnight to succumb to dementia. An avid knitter and reader, she was now unable to concentrate long enough to stick with anything. She died a few months after the operation from a 3 day bout with a cold that turned into pneumonia. I think the fact that she felt so helpless is what ultimately killed her. Maybe our case was extreme, but don’t hesitate to get her counciling if you need to.
Good luck and hopes go out for a good recovery!
So, in their living room was his bed, the lift OVER the bed, bedpans and urinals on full display, a bedside commmode for '#2's" and basins and such for all his washing needs.
He still has a level of gangrene and he is constantly in and out of hospitals, losing a little more of his legs each time.
Not to be gross, but the smell is so awful--his wife comes to church and you can smell HER b/c he smells so awful. She simply cannot keep the smells at bay.
He routinely fires aides, (he's a nasty guy, at best) and leaves his wife in the lurch, scarambling to find help.
I do not know WHY she has kept him home all these years trying to make his life what he wants---guilt? love? (if that's it, sure isn't apparent) kids want him home? IDK. He's in his late 70's.
He would receive MUCH better care at a VA home, which he qualifies for. Moving him to go to a dr's appt is an all day affair as they live in a split entry home (like ours!!) and naviagting those stairs is really, really hard.
I don't mean to be rude or judgy--but this guy is likely to live for many more years, he seems like the kind who would live to be 90, despite awful health. I feel so sorry for his wife--who really carries 99% of the burden. She's completely burned out and my heart breaks for her.
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