Seeking mental peace. How to deal with guilt?

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Distressed50 Asked January 2021

Seeking mental peace. How to deal with guilt?

Hello, This is in the past. I am an immigrant and I bought my father to live with me. After 6 months I asked him to move back to India. I got angry with him for some reason and I vowed that I will never care for him. I was the only caregiver and family and there was no one in India to care for him. He wanted to come back but I refused. He was cared for by his students. I visited him, and I was in a dilemma as to how to care for him. I just did not want to care for him at all and was heartless. He passed away at 71 with a heart attack. He was lonely and not loved by his two sons. His other son died of suicide. Now I am repenting and guilt-ridden that I hurt my father. I am such a cruel son. It is in conflict with my love for him and desires to see him happy. I actually did not hate my father. But I do not why I was angry with him. Now I am so depressed that I feel like I cannot go on living. He was really in bad shape and he was afraid he will die. His friends soothed him and took care but as a son, I did not do that. Now when I look back I don't know what possessed me. I am such a terrible and horrible son.

Depression Guilt Mental Health

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score 0 · Answer 1

I am sorry that you find yourself in this position that you consider suicide. My normal response to guilt isn't going to help you in this case. I think you need immediate counseling. Start with the suicide hotline as previously mentioned or call your healthcare provider to find a approved counselor.

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Hi I am in therapy. I have to help myself. I hurt my own father who I loved. And at that time I was so blind. The issue is my intense and overwhelming hatred of myself and disgust I have for my own being.

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score 0 · Answer 2

I took care of my sister when she had three adult daughters who offered little help. You can be thankful to those who were capable of taking care of your father in the past and maybe find meaning by helping others now. Guilt does no one any good and is not a helpful sentiment. Find peace and know that your father would want you to have your best life.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I am so sorry for the loss of your father.

You handled things to the best of your ability then.

No one is perfect. None of us lives life without regrets. We can never go back in time. We can only move forward in life.

Your father is gone because of his illness. You are very much alive and have a purpose in this world.

Your life has value, just as every life has a purpose and value.

I understand that you feel lost at this time. You are deserving of finding peace in your heart. I believe that your father would want that for you.

Take time to grieve the loss of your father and to lick your wounds.

Seek out your path in life. Follow it and be at peace. Don’t hesitate to ask for guidance along the way. Others will help you achieve clarity in a confusing time in your life.

Take care, my friend. I wish you well.

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score 1 · Answer 4

We cannot do anything about the things that we feel we did wrong. We can only apologize to those who remain to be apologized to, we can learn, and we can change ourselves, and do good work going forward. I believe you need help that is way beyond what anyone here can help you with, and I would suggest that you seek counseling at once. If you find yourself having suicidal ideation get to an emergency room at once. Call the suicide hot line at 800-273-8255. You are dealing with a double loss here, and you are going to need a lot of help. Remember that truly horrible people never do feel remorse for their actions. They in fact take great delight in doing wrong. That isn't you. You are a person who was confused and in pain, and you still are, and you need help. Please seek it at once.

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score 0 · Answer 5

I am confused. In your profile you state you are caring for your father age 76 living at home.
In any case. The way to find your "mental peace" is to begin by forgiving yourself.
Guilt is a feeling, emotion we put upon ourselves.
We all do things we are not proud of. We all do things we regret. None of us can see the future. You do what you can in the best way you can at the time. There obviously was a reason that you got angry you just have to let that go, forgive yourself and resolve to try to not let it effect other choices in your life.
Your father loved you and forgave you just as any parent loves and forgives their child.

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Hi Thank you. I think I did not understand the dates and put in something. My father was 68 when I bought him to live with me. Prior to that he used to visit. Every time, as he was used to, I cooked and did everything for him. When I moved him in, I was doing everything. Not to complain but I could not visit friends before planning a meal prep. Looking back I do not know why I was unhappy. I realized that he was still young. And I made impulsive decision and asked him to move back. It hurt him and hurt me. I was angry, and he was lonely and suffering in India. But my heart did not respond. Not sure why. Maybe I was not appreciated. And he passed away sad that his kids abandoned him. I was prepared to rush to him whenever he needed me. My brother and I are emotionally lacking. Maybe something happened when young. Now I am guilty and repenting. I had all the intention of caring and threw it away. Why? I liked my father, but he wanted love from his children and care. We did not give that. I feel for him now and thinking of how much he suffered makes me sad and hate myself.

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score 0 · Answer 6

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. Hindsight is always 20/20. You did what you thought you had to do at the time, and that doesn't make you a bad person. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. Be grateful that he had such good friends that looked out for him until the end. Some people are not that fortunate. Your father would not want you living with any guilt. He would want you to continue living your best life, and you can't do that while you hang on to the past. Perhaps like Daughter1930 said, therapy might be what you need, so you can better put things in perspective. I wish you peace going forward. God bless you.

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score 4 · Answer 7

I’m sorry for your loss. We all have things in our lives we’d like to go back and handle differently, but the one thing we can’t change is the past. You need to accept that you didn’t have all the information you do now, you couldn’t see how events would unfold, and you had the choice to live your life without being a caregiver. It doesn’t make you terrible or horrible, it makes you human. Think of what your dad would want for you now, and I think that would be to move forward, live a life he’d be proud of, and let the past be the past. I encourage you to seek professional counseling to help you walk through this

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Seeking mental peace. How to deal with guilt?

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