Need advice! Should I correct my mom when she hallucinates?

No. That is a discussion that will only cause agitation an argument you will never win. Your job is to enter her world

One of the kindest gifts we can give people is to join them where they are and sit a while. I do it with my daughter then she’s playing pretend. I do it with my friends, when I ask them why they are so distracted. I do it with my mom when she insists that she has to get her lesson plan ready because she thinks it’s 1994. With my mom I’m sometimes sad and I’m sometimes frightened, but then I think, if it were me, my mom would sit with me. So I ask her what’s she’s teaching this quarter and smile.

I never tried to correct my Grandma when she was hallucinating (or confused about what year it was). I just went along with it as though it was normal.

For example, in the NH she used to tell me fairly often "there's a little girl there, in the corner of my room!"
"Oh?" I'd reply. "Is she a nice little girl?"
"Yes she's a nice girl!" and then she'd wave and smile and try to get the little girl's attention: "hello sweetie! Hello darling!"

Once she was telling my dad that there were birds flying around in her NH room. So he said ok, I'll get rid of them! and he opened the window and "pretend shooed" the birds out. But this time, she frowned at him and pointed at the other corner of the room and said "they're over there! Stop pretending!" Haha! Can't fool her :)

Sometimes, she'd ask me if her son (her late son) was going to call her soon. I always used to tell her yes of course he'll call just as soon as he can, he's just really busy at the hospital now (he was a dr). That usually satisfied her. Although once I think she was testing me because she sort of replied "he isn't though, is he?" and when I asked what she meant, she said "I know he's gone." I didn't know what to do so I just put my cheek against hers and didn't say anything.

One funny/sad moment was in the first weeks after her stroke and in hospital, she used to tell me over and over "the shrimp are in the fridge, the shrimp are in the fridge." Which meant in her mind she was back at home in her kitchen, and I had just stopped by for a visit, and she was instructing me to put the frozen coconut shrimp into the oven so we could have our usual little snack... "Ok grandma, I'll get them ready" I used to say. Sigh... I wish...

Don't apply YOUR rules of 'normalcy' to your mother's condition; it will just frustrate both of you to no end. Reminding her that her husband has passed away will only bring back the grief she feels over and over again, for no good reason. Just go along with whatever she believes is happening; it's the best thing to do.

For instance, my mother calls me early in the evening lately to tell me she thinks she'll stay in her apartment for tonight, and not come to my house; she lives in Memory Care Assisted Living (and has for the past 2 years). For some reason, she suddenly believes she lives with me. Instead of getting into a long conversation about the facts, I just tell her, 'that's fine with me mom, sleep well.' No point in stirring the pot. If she's happy, I'm happy. Our goal is to keep our demented mothers from being unhappy or agitated, not to keep them apprised of the truth. Especially nowadays. The truth is too much for MOST of us to bear, even without dementia.

Wishing you the best of luck with a new and difficult situation. My condolences on the loss of your dad. Do take the suggestions sjplegacy offers; he knows from where he speaks.

Whatever the cause of her hallucinations, whether it's the UTIs or the dementia, never correct her. Certainly when someone says something or sees something we know isn't correct, our first impulse is to correct them. It's intuitive. Dementia presents a whole new reality both for the caregiver and the LO. Trying to correct someone who is hallucinating won't make it go away nor will it comfort the person. What it will do, more than likely, is cause confrontation. The proper approach is to validate what they see, hear, feel or think. You've got to forget your reality and enter hers. If she says, “dad is sleeping”, you might counter with, “oh, that's good, he needs the rest”. About the kids playing in the next room, something like, “They really enjoy playing together, don't they?”. Respond to her in the present tense.

There are some excellent books and websites that can help. YouTube videos of Teepa Snow and Dementia Careblazers are excellent caregiver sites. Two great books are are “Learning to Speak Alzheimer's” and “The 36 Hour Day”. Learning more about what your mom is going thru can give you as her caregiver great insight. Good luck.