Mom (90) has Primary Peritoneal Cancer. Family torn re: chemo. She had one round by her choice and got very sick so she stopped. Advice?

My sweet mother in law was diagnosed in her sixties with non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

She had an extremely difficult time with her cancer treatments.

She went into remission for five years.

She confided in me that she always had a fear of her cancer returning.

It did return and came back with a vengeance!

When it returned, there was no hope.

She was dying. She chose not to prolong the agony.

She did not wish to endure the suffering to possibly extend her life for a short amount of additional time and died at age 68.

Sometimes it is just too hard to continue moving forward with treatments.

I would accept the way your mom feels. She’s ready to go. Hospice is the best choice.

Glad you got Hospice. My Dad knew a week before his death that he was dying. Like said 90 is a long life lived.

The normal human lifespan is approximately 80 years. There are many people in their eighties who are still spry and active, but not that many in their nineties. It is probably her time, sad as that is. There is no reason to try treatments that make someone miserable when it is unlikely she would live many more years after this. She should do what she can to make her remaining time as pleasant and rewarding as possible. At some point, everyone dies of something.

I do not blame your mother . She has a right to make that choice and I certainly would respect it. Difficult as it is for LO, but more difficult for the person who is going through such difficulty. Speak to her doctor and get her on hospice asap if not already. My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and family.

My mother is 94 with dementia and talks about how she wants to die almost on a daily basis. I would never encourage her to take any life extending measures at this stage of the game.

Please honor your mother's wishes, as you are doing. I know how tough it is to watch a loved one take the final leg of their journey. My prayers are with you all for a quick and pain free passage to the next phase of your mom's eternal life.

Oh gosh--honor her wishes. Make palliative care availble for her and be supportive of her decisions to not do chemo.

I was dxed with NHL 18 months ago and my first thought was 'Ok, let's get this." I was only 63.

I did get remission from the cancer and did 6 rounds of FU chemo---but I made the decision that when the cancer returns, no matter how old I am, I am not going to ever do chemo again. I was so sick and I realized that while my kids/grandkids love me, they will be FINE when I go. I am just now--going on 2 years, still having side effects from the chemo that appear to be permanent.

Nobody will fight me on this, I have been adamant about it and we don't even discuss it. I just don't want pain, and I do not want to be a burden!

You honor her wishes, and let her live out the rest of her life the way she wants, not the way you want it. it is her life. I'm sure when the time comes for you, that you wouldn't want family members interfering with your decision, so just make sure that she's comfortable and as pain free as possible. You should probably get hospice involved sooner than later as well, so they can help with that. God bless you.

I have read your first post. A lot of us responded that we thought that at 90 with Dementia putting Mom thru chemo was probably not a good idea. So now she has tried it and doesn't want to continue. I would not force the issue.

I agree, its time for Hospice. They will make her comfortable and pain free. I would call her doctor and get recommendations. There are good and bad but all bill Medicare and have to abide by Medicares criteria. A nurse will check in about 3x a week. An aide will be provided to bathe about 3x a week and if requested you may get more time to run errands.

We just had a post concerning a Hospice Nurse. She was not ordering depends and wipes. The OP was paying out of pocket. Medicare pays for diapers, wipes, prescriptions, hospital bed, oxygen if needed, etc. Its up to the nurse to order all supplies and arrange for any equipment needed. I always received a folder with all the information in it. I would also suggest that you and one other person be there when the nurse comes to admit Mom and explain what they do. That way there are 2 sets of ears. The Nurse comes to the house about 3x a week but should be on call 24/7. You should call her with any questions you have. Also, someone may have to be with Mom 24/7.

So sorry your family is going thru this.

I would not take chemo myself, as a retired RN. Discuss options with MD. They may move to minimal side effect medications by mouth, or suggest palliative care or hospice. Your mother is perhaps not so much bitter, as resigned to death, and not wishing to pass tortured to death. Time to discuss what your Mom wants with HER; she is the one involved. If she wishes to stop treatment and enter comfort care please allow her to do so, and pass with ease and peace.

Have you considered getting Hospice involved?