I am caring for my mom (86) with Hodgkins lymphoma and early dementia. Recently my dad took ill and was placed in a nursing home. Advice?
My mom is nice to everyone else but me. My dad has strong dementia but recognizes me. My parents were divorced 45 years ago. The guilt of being torn between the two is really tough, any suggestions?
Why are you feeling torn between the two? Can you not visit/help your dad because of caring for your mom? Is his facility even allowing visitors at this time?
Annoyingly common for the caregiver to be given the short end of the stick from the person needing care. Just like kids, they are comfortable at home and with you, so there is no need to keep up the show they often put on for people they rarely see. Try to not take it personally, though that can be a challenge of course. You can try to set some boundaries if she's really going too far, if her dementia is not too advanced for that to work. End the conversation and/or leave the room if she is attacking you, etc.
The most important person to put first is yourself.
You are not responsible for the state of your parent's health. Once you accept that you can come to understand that guilt is not the correct word. You maybe feeling grief, sadness, you may be overwhelmed, burnt out, etc.
I am not sure if I am reading your profile correctly are you saying that your partner is also ill?
Your mother is in your home. Can you arrange for respite care for a couple weeks? Take the two weeks only for yourself, do not call nor take calls from your parents.
This will give you the opportunity to look at the situation objectively.
2 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Annoyingly common for the caregiver to be given the short end of the stick from the person needing care. Just like kids, they are comfortable at home and with you, so there is no need to keep up the show they often put on for people they rarely see. Try to not take it personally, though that can be a challenge of course. You can try to set some boundaries if she's really going too far, if her dementia is not too advanced for that to work. End the conversation and/or leave the room if she is attacking you, etc.
You are not responsible for the state of your parent's health. Once you accept that you can come to understand that guilt is not the correct word. You maybe feeling grief, sadness, you may be overwhelmed, burnt out, etc.
I am not sure if I am reading your profile correctly are you saying that your partner is also ill?
Your mother is in your home. Can you arrange for respite care for a couple weeks? Take the two weeks only for yourself, do not call nor take calls from your parents.
This will give you the opportunity to look at the situation objectively.
ADVERTISEMENT