What do you do when caregiving really gets to you, and you get really stressed out and feel overwhelmed?

I am glad that you reached out to this forum.

Please continue to vent when needed. Ask questions about any concerns too.

Keep us posted. We care.

Take care. Wishing you all the best. It’s very hard watching those we love decline.

Very challenging. Do more reading on dementia and techniques for dealing with the annoying habits.

I agree with "don't argue". She can't remember what she "should" do. Have some vague, basic responses ready for the silly things she will continue to say due to her condition. It's not HER, it's the dementia talking. While it may get boring, it'll be much easier for both of you if you do not take it personally and/or get annoyed. Accept and expect that she will ask the same question a million times. Oh well. It's part of the package. Take a deep breath and give one of your planned responses. Distract her with something else, if possible.

So, you work full time and care for her on weekends? Are weeknights your responsibility too? That leaves not much time for you.

Good luck.

You guys are right, I definitely need a break. I'm thinking about it now and I feel like I don't do enough "fun" stuff.

Okay, to answer some people's questions, yes we do have aides come in to help Grandma and me during the week while I work, I handle the weekends. I'm okay with this, I just need to find a technique for calming myself in the heat of the moment.

One person suggested that I not argue with Grandma, and the lightbulb in my head went off. Usually I'm arguing with her when I get ticked off. Why I argue with her, who knows. It's not like she can remember things or do what I wish she would. But for some reason- maybe my personality- I argue.

The other time is when she's being demanding, not because of authority but because she simply forgets and asks for things a thousand times, which gets irritating pretty fast. I don't take it personally because memory issues cannot be helped. But it gets super annoying fast. Some days I have patience and some days not.

It's just so hard to see her like this. My once-sharp as a tack, active, grandma is fading away. It's a difficult change to accept.

You MUST take time away for yourself, if you are to continue on this journey with your grandma. Try taking small breaks everyday if you can. Take a walk around the neighborhood, go to lunch or supper with friends, go shopping, or to church, whatever you enjoy doing. By doing these little things, it will help rejuvenate you so you can better keep your frustration in check. And then if possible, get some respite time away from her as well. A few days to a week, will do you wonders. You will have to have other family members come stay with her of course, or hire someone to come in, but it will be money well spent. And if all else fails, go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, before you scream at your grandma.

And honestly if it's just getting to be too much for you to handle anymore, please get the family involved in finding the appropriate facility for her to be placed in. Wishing you the best.

I hate to push drugs--but as my PCP said to me a couple months ago--he's prescribing tranquillizers like they were SMARTIES. I know he was semi-joking.

Get breaks from Grandma--hopefully Sr Centers will open soon and that is a great place for elders to congregate and make friends. Do you have family who will step up a few hours a week?

I've had to take care of my DH many times during some pretty horrific health issues. Burnout is inevitable and if your patient is not 'there' mentally, it's 100xs worse. I had to grow a thick skin and not take everything DH would say personally.

Hello Kim, it is obvious you care a great deal for your grandma. We are all human and there will be times we all get frustrated, stressed out and burnout. I have been there. I said to the family if I get to the point I am losing my temper frequently with mom I will seek other means. I would never want to get to that point. I walk away for half hour or so, put my classical music on, pray, read, take a walk outdoors. What ever distracts you and helps you get back to a calm state. I was taking care of my mother alone and in the middle of the night I went to the bathroom for supplies and came back and mom had stool all over her. I was livid and yelled at her and told her she will be going to Shady Rest if that behavior continued. Guilt, guilt and more guilt to this day. This happened when I first started caring for my mom over twenty years ago and it never happened again. I always say caregiving is difficult even in the best of circumstances. Wonderful you recognized it and want to do something about it. One other thought if it gets too much and you continue to lose your temper you might think about hiring help if it is feasible or place her in a decent facility. The best to you and your dear grandma.

You need a break.
Can there be another caregiver that comes in a few hours a few days a week?
Even 2 or 3 hours will help.
Check with your local Area Agency on Aging to see if she would qualify for any help.
If grandma is eligible for Hospice she/you would get some help you would also get supplies and equipment that you need to care for her.
Few tips for you.,
When you get angry if you can, leave the room. Make sure it is safe to leave her for a bit.
When she does something or says something try to laugh it off or ignore what she has said or done.
REDIRECT is the name of the game.
Give her something else to do.
Bring her to a different room. If she is in the living room take her to the kitchen for a tea or coffee.
Best piece of advice...Don't Argue. You will NEVER win an argument with a person that has dementia.

(by the way..you might want to correct your profile you state grandma is 37..that would make you a VERY young caregiver😉)

I wish I had an answer for you. I cared for my parents too. It is VERY hard! Can you hire others to help? Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area?

Does grandma need 24/7 care? If so, this would wear on anyone’s nerves. You need breaks from time to time.

How old is your grandmother? How old are you?

Do you mind sharing why you are caring for your grandmother?

Are you being paid? What about planning your future?

I know that COVID-19 complicates things but perhaps it is time that you surrender your caregiving duties.

I dearly loved my grandparents but I didn’t live with them. When did you move in? Did they raise you? Does grandma have children? Why aren’t they looking after her?