I told my mom I’m moving out after 2 years of taking care of her because she won’t cooperate with me any more. Advice?

As a another member has said, think of it this way you are disabling your Mom. Its easier to let you do it. She won't get better if she doesn't put the work in. My niece had a stroke in her early 40s. She has been able to drive again and has done well.

If you haven't yet, see if Mom can receive Social Security Disability. If she gets it, she will get Medicare and maybe Medicaid. She may already meet the criteria for Medicaid in home. She could get aides.

You did good getting a job. Your Mom may surprise you and do more for herself.

Good for you for making a plan to move out!

My daddy had a stroke much later in life.

He worked exceptionally hard in rehab and afterwards.

It’s past time for your mom to do her part. She is responsible for participating in her recovery.

You have explained it to her. It’s up to her now.

You have done more than your share.

Wishing you all the best that life has to offer. You have a bright and beautiful future ahead of you.

You have what it takes to succeed. You are determined. That will take you far.

Take care.

You truly must start to make your own life!! These are your earning years. Your mom is being unfair and unreasonable here and you have no need to feel at all guilty. But SHE should.

Follow through and move out. Your mom is using FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) to manipulate you. You are still young with your whole life ahead of you! Establish boundaries with your mom and enforce them! Ensure your own future and focus your energies there. (I suspect your plans for yourself have been put on the back burner). Your mom made her own choices. Now you must make yours.

My mother in law is currently at home with us, she sleeps at her daughters (sis in law) at night and with me during the day. I have to leave her few hours at home. But she understands it all. As for you, I agree with everyone. You are young and should live a life of your own. Talk to her one more time if she still insists, then really decide. Hugs!

Laura Schlessinger has written books on how to deal with toxic relatives. Don't let her ruin your life. I believe we are obligated to be sure our parents are not living in poverty somewhere, but we are not obligated to let them run our lives nor should anyone take abuse. You have nothing to feel guilty about. She is manipulating you.
So, make like a banana and split!

Betty, my older sister had a stroke at 26, and my mother at 47. Both of them worked hard to recover as best they could. My sister at 76 has just closed down her accountancy business though still using a wheel chair, my mother recovered well enough to drive and to live alone taking responsibility for herself. Your mother at 45 needs to get out of bed and work at recovering. Your best chance to help is to get out of the way! You are not the one who ought to feel guilty about what has been going on. Have courage.

PS I love Golden's line 'She can buy you the guilt-trip ticket but you don't have to take the trip'. Your mother may also think that she has a ticket to lie in bed being waited on by a maid, but you don't have to accept it as valid tender.

Oh, girl. Get your life back.
Your mom could live another 50 years.
You deserve a home of your own, and a relationship if you choose to have one. Children, if that is what you desire.
Get out as quickly as you can manage.
Best wishes to you.

Your profile says your mom had a stroke and that is her main physical challenge. Did the stroke cause her to have any other problems? Vision? Language? etc? Did her personality change? I certainly don't envy either of your situations but she's had 3 years to come to grips with it, and seemingly hasn't. It is hard to know what to recommend without know the full extent of her real abilities -- or her financial situation.

She's only 45 years old, so she's looking at a long road of uncertainty in front of her. I don't blame her for wanting to be with you, but the reality is that she cannot. You are waaaay too young and need to get your life on track and not burn out caring for her in the process.

I think I would call social services for your county to see what in-home services she may qualify for. She may need to apply for Medicaid. She may need to realistically be in a care facility (and there are some very nice ones and she'll be with caring staff and other people all day long with activities, etc). Just start with calling social services and see what you find out, then share the positive info with our mom and assure her that you working on replacement plan and that it would be great if she worked on it with you, but you will must move forward with your life which will help the both of you. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart as you try to bring her around to see the big picture.

I sure hope you will stick to your guns and move out. You are way too young to be stuck caring for your mom. Shame on her for even allowing it for as long as she has. You deserve to have your own life that doesn't include being a caregiver. If she doesn't want to do her therapy to get any better, that is on her, not you. She is only 45 for crying out loud, and you would think that she would want to get back to as close as she was before. Until you take the steps to move out however, it sounds like your mom will remain the same, so honestly you will be doing her a favor by moving out, as that way she will have to figure out for herself how to get on with her own life. Stay strong! You can do it!!

Don't wait any longer. Good for you for getting a job. You can't explain this to her.. She wants it her way and is not interested in anyone else's needs. Her care or arrangement for help is her responsibility, not yours. Your life, personal growth and self care is your responsibility.

She will continue to try to guilt trip you rather than being grateful for the help you have given her already. You know what they say about guilt trips. They can buy you the ticket but you don't have to go.

You have done nothing to feel guilty about, What you are feeling is called false guilt due to not meeting the (often unreasonable) expectations of others. You have already put your life on hold long enough.

Make your plans to get out as soon as you can. Inform your mother of your plans and the dates when you have them, Don't discuss it with her - just inform her to give her time to make other arrangements, and stick with your plans despite any protests or guilt games from her. Her life is her responsibility - your life is yours.

Prayers for all to work out. Let us know how you manage this transition. (((((hugs)))))

How old is your Mother?
What is her disability?
If she is not seriously disabled and able to be on her own the surest way to get her moving if for you to move OUT. Beatty, one of our members, says "There will be no solutions as long as YOU are all the solutions".
As to guilt? That belongs to felons and criminals. You may suffer some grief that you can not be all things to all people and still maintain a minimal sanity, but that is GRIEF. It is not spelled g-u-i-l-t.
You are young. You deserve a life. It will not be easy, trained and habit-forming as these things are, to get the courage and strength to leave, but you will begin to feel so good about yourself as you stand more on your own.
Give your Mom the number for 9-1-1, and get an apartment, even a room in someone else's home if that is point A. to start on. Good luck.