When I got to my mother's bedside, having died a half hour before, I crawled in bed next to her and hugged her. Is that unusual?

I lay down next to my Husband.
Not unusual as far as I am concerned.
He had a Hospital bed with an alternating pressure mattress and I always thought it was so loud. After the funeral home left I shut the bed down and the house was so quiet. I actually turned the bed back on and slept in it that night, it was scheduled to be picked up the next day.

I'm so sorry for your great loss, Valentine. And no, it's not unusual for you to snuggle with her. I hope being with your mother brought you comfort and peace. I also have no doubt she knew you were there and held her. *hug*

Blessings to you both. NO ONE REALLY KNOWS the Sacred Moment when the Soul departs.

My 91 year old Grandmother was very special to me. After she passed I crawled into the bed behind her and held her for a few moments. It was a way to comfort myself and prepare for the grief to come. It felt very special and not wrong at all.

TamTam

Not unusual at all. I am so sorry for your loss. When my mother was in the hospital with her stroke, the very last day she was alive and in a coma, i was thinking to myself, i wish i could crawl in the bed with her. I wanted to give her one last hug goodbye. But the hospital bed was way too small.

Not unusual at all. In fact, your mother's soul knew you were lying with her and holding her hand, saying goodbye and feeling sad at the profound loss. Sometimes our loved ones do not want us there with them as they take their last breath; they don't want to leave us with that last painful memory of them. I was not there when my dad took his last breath, and I'm glad I wasn't. Now I don't have to dwell on that terrible sound and sight, and can instead remember him healthy and laughing in earlier times. That's how we heal.

Wishing you healing, my friend, and my condolences on your loss.

This is definitely not unusual. Our society has unrealistic expectations on behavior after a parent dies, and your behavior seems COMPLETELY normal to me! I too was brought to tears. I am so sorry for your loss.

Not unusual at all.

I have a friend whose son died at home. His death was expected. She spent the night with him, so he did not have to go into the local morgue for the night.

A friend’s Dad had cancer that had spread to his bones. They could not hug him the last few weeks as he was in so much pain and his bones were so brittle. When he died at home each of his young grandchildren were allowed to give their grandpa a hug. The children were told he was sleeping and no longer in pain.

I too think there was nothing wrong in doing this. And the post brought tears to my eyes.

No, it's actually quite beautiful. How blessed you were to have such a special bond with your mom. That's a sweet memory you will have until you see her again. God bless you.

Valentine, I think that is a natural response especially if you were very close like you said. Probably not as unusual as you may think. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your post had me bursting out in tears (sorry I cry easily). It’s the saddest story yet very sweet at the same time. I’m glad you got to hold her and say goodbye 😊

it is ok.. .did you feel her at all before you found her? mine was talking to me saying it's time... when I got to my cell phone... my sibling was texting me... I got there in 2 minutes.. they called the time of death when I walked through the door. That was for me... :(

Valentine,
Not strange at all for you to want to be close to your mom. . I am glad you had that time with her and her passing was so gentle.
I have a memory of a cousin who climbed up in the hospital bed with her grandmother, my aunt. She cried her eyes out and held her grandmother. She was a young mother who would bring her children in to visit and would be bright and chipper with the children, but when she arrived alone that day she was the grandchild needing to hold her grandmother one last time.

I am sorry for your loss.

I don’t think it is unusual but your way of showing your love for your mother and saying goodbye. One of the biggest regrets I have in life ..or perhaps regret is not right word but ...it is that when my mother passed..I was not able to see her. This was not during Covid but was just that I live about four hours away from her. She was at home but with hospice care...not all of which I agreed with but I had difficulty in getting any information ..my sister was poa . Although that shouldn’t have mattered since my mom was not mentally impaired. We were both medical informers ..in that listed as able to get any and all information when in hospital or from doctors. My sis lives right there though so it sometimes made sense for her to take the lead ..however sometimes I questioned her actions. In this case, they were giving her morphine l.and last time I saw mom , after notified that she likely had only weeks left ..she was pretty much unresponsive the whole time I was there ..maybe 6 hours ..but when she kinda moved in the bed ..my sister got up and got her medication..then explained that nurse told her that when mom moved like that she was likely in pain (?) ...anyway ...a few days later I got word that nurses said she only had a day or two left ...well since we live so far..I felt I should pack for several days plus for funeral since wouldn’t drive back and forth. So it took a bit to get together ..just as we were about to leave ...admittedly a couple hours later cuz had to shower and finish wash and pack...got call that she was gone ...so we rushed but roads were bad cuz of a bad thunderstorm . We were almost there and I talked to my sister , and learned that funeral home had taken her ..so figured no sense going to home but went to hotel nearby. So...I couldn’t even see her EVER...she had asked for cremation and no viewing but I felt like funeral director should have waited since I hadn’t been there.... I never really got to say goodbye so still have that hanging over me. Also then my sis actually agreed to a more distant relatives request to not have funeral too quickly so they could come ..which meant I had to pay extra hotel fees ( none even offered for me to stay with them ..not even in my moms house where my sis and her daughter could have shared a room instead each own. Also, meant I could have not packed so much and possibly left earlier and made it in time ! Lastly , I question if that sister was still giving morphine and so made it quicker than necessary....just such an awful experience that obviously I have not gotten over. Oh plus ..then during time was supposed to be just our family before calling hours ..my cousins came in plus another sis allowed another person in ..neither like asked permission just walked along with them but I feel that both my sisters AND the funeral home staff should have intervened. It wasn’t a viewing..no body there ..but still shoukd have some private time .

So , feel good about being able to say goodby to your wonderful mom ..that’s how it is supposed to be.