Notification to friends and family of move to memory care - how do you handle it?

I would do info type letter with general info about her memory and the move she is making. Let them know she can't do the email anymore and has difficulty with the phone now, too. And encourage them to please stay in contact with mom via email to you (that you can pass along) or with a written card or letter.

Then edit letter with personal info to each person who tries to stay in touch with your mom so you can put specific info geared toward that person: Jane Doe, you have always been so good about contacting mom and she looks forward to your talks/letters. I hope you will continue to do so even if you don't hear back from her.

I also suggest adding a note with your requests for continued correspondence to include a picture of themselves that would have been taken about the last time she saw them. When I have my mom write a letter to her sister, we put a pic with the letter to give her a mental reminder of who the letter came from.

If there's anyway to do facetime via her phone and her friends, you can ask the facility to assist her with that type of call.

Why not simply be honest about the situation and ask them to please keep in touch. Don't let her know what you are doing - just keep the communications going.

Mom's failing memory/Alzheimer's is nothing for her-or you-to be embarrassed about. We've all been there with loved ones, and may very well go through the same thing ourselves.
Simply Mail a pleasant greeting card to moms closest friends and family (pick and choose people she can count on) to let them know she's moving. Include the name of her new home, address, room and phone number.
Say "mom has developed memory issues, but wants to stay in touch with you. An occasional card, letter and/or phone call would mean so much to her."

I am responding to some of the comments.  It's not about shutting people out or hiding them away....it's about letting people have some privacy and die with a little dignity.  If your mom or dad are so far advanced with their dementia that they don't know who anyone is and have no control over their bodily functions or comments, who are you arranging these visits for?  Because it's not for them. 

Our family members are all in different stages and ages and we have to make decisions based on what we know and think is best for them.  There is no "one size fits all" right or wrong answer here.  You have read some of our experiences and you know what is going on with your mom and I am sure you will make healthy decisions for all involved.  And as your moms condition changes, your visitation rules may change as well.

Take care.

This is so sad.

One of the reasons why people dread placement, whether in a nursing home or a memory care unit, is the belief they will be shut away, out of sight and out of mind.

And, it seems, this belief is well-founded. A loving daughter (? - apologies if son!) hesitates to give her mother's friends her mother's new address, and why? The daughter wants to protect her mother from the embarrassment of its being known that her mother is living in a memory care unit. Only, for embarrassment perhaps we should read "shame."

I'm accusing nobody of anything, here - we all do have very confused emotions and preconceptions about dementia, about residential care, about the rights of people once control of their lives has had to be delegated to others, about what they would prefer (perhaps they might not want to be seen in their current "state"? Will they mind their friends knowing?) about the "correct" way to manage relationships and communications so as to show respect and love to the person without asking too much of her or showing up her loss of memory and abilities - rubbing salt in her wounds. On the other hand, to be forgotten and neglected, discarded because we're no longer the people we were - ? *Everybody* is trying to do the right thing. But goodness don't we tie ourselves up in knots over it!

What I'd do, and did, is send a standard change of address card to her Christmas card list (or similar), with an additional note to those people you yourself know well enough inviting them to keep in touch, and your phone number or email address if they haven't already got it.

There is no reason to hide the truth from her friends. Tell them the truth either via electronic mail or USPS. I know I prefer a card with a note or letter inside than doing it electronically as I find it somewhat impersonal, but that is me and it is your choice to to whatever. Moving mom is in her best interest for safety and wellbeing. Never be ashamed of doing the right thing by your parents.
Best wishes.

I just came across these phones for seniors from the Alzheimer's store online... maybe some solutions in here to consider?

https://www.alzstore.com/picture-memory-phone-dementia-s/1843.htm

Imho, there is absolutely zero reason to be embarrassed. Inform those friends who you have an electronic mail address for and to those you don't, use the U.S.P.S.

Tell her friends the truth. There is absolutely no reason to try to hide anything because if they keep in touch they’re gonna find out somehow. Not telling them is a setup for some kind of awkward unease all around. She has known them forever. They care for her. They aren’t gonna make fun of her. Let’s say they call her one day. They hear a funny noise on her end & ask, “what was that?” then, “I thought you were home? Where are you?... You don’t know? Are you safe? O my goodness dear, what’s going on? What’s the address? We need to call help!” -OK so maybe not that dramatic but it’s just weird not telling them. They can handle it and it makes everyone’s life easier.

Everyone you inform of her change of address should also be personally informed by you if there are things to be aware of...many people who have never experienced a person with cognitive impairment may make the contact more stressful. Some helpful suggests to them would be wise.

Is it possible to create a private FaceBook page group for only a select few of her friends who understand her cognitive condition and situation? Then you and they could post pictures and video messages for you to show her?

When we first transitioned my MIL into AL (due to short-term memory issues) she went through her phonebook and called everyone in there asking for them to come get her. Even a friend who lived several timezones away. So I don't really recommend any voice controlled calling (like Alexa) or even her keeping a phonebook of contacts in her room. I suggest you are there for all visits and calls. Cards are great if she remembers who the writers are. Maybe put up pictures of her closest people and their names on the wall of her room? I hope all goes well as you both adjust!

Not quite the same but I will share this: When I was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery for a near death situation, upon recovery I was totally there, mentally, not medicated. My out of town sister arrived and took it upon herself to get hold of my cell phone and sent text messages to people listed in my phone. In one way a nice thing to do, but it was done without my consent. ANd afterwards I had to struggle to piece together (thinking I was going nuts!) how so and so knew I had been ill etc. Flowers from people I kept in touch with only sporadically. ANd then when we had longer chats and I would ask, that's how I found out what my sister had done...and of course it was not left in the memory of my phone. But I got a few messages that didn't make sense, and some people wondered why I didn't respond. In a sense, coming from my own phone possibly, it was as if she was almost impersonating me if she did respond. It did not sit well with me as just the trauma and stress of surgery and hospitalization makes it feel as if you identity has been taken away and you are not in charge of your life.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about! Far worse to put people who care in the spot of trying to hunt her or family down. As this is a condition not likely to improve, some may have noticed changes already so it probably won't be a huge surprise. I'd do what others have suggested...if you can access her email, notify folks there, and otherwise my snail mail or phone calls.

When we moved my dad into memory care I sent “I’ve Moved” cards out for him & put his address and listed his room as Suite 4-B. It didn’t say memory care, just the name of the place. Dad was pleased and his friends were able to send cards and such. When we took him out after lockdown I had business cards made up with his new address. More for his benefit, but he gave some out too!

Email those who still use the internet. Mail out cards to those who are not on the computer anymore. Bless you that you are making sure mom keeps her contacts.

That sounds like a good idea to send an email out with your contact information and her new location.

I want to share a story about an elderly aunt that my husband was responsible for.  She never married or had any children and she was the last left of her family, so when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my husband, her nephew had to step up.  She was always heavily involved with her church her entire life.  We had to move her from the small town where she lived into a memory care facility near us so that we could manage her care and visit with her.  It was 1 1/2 hrs away from her home.  After a year or so, we found out that the church got a caravan of people and drove to her facility to visit with her.  We were mortified!  She was no longer in control of her faculties and became quite hateful.  Name calling and kicking.... She could no longer dress herself and had bathroom issues. She would randomly take her clothes off...etc.   If she were in he right mind she would not have wanted those people to see her in that condition.  A card or note sent to us that we could read to her would have sufficed.  We never in our wildest dreams thought they would have just shown up.  My point in telling you this story is so you might protect your moms dignity at this stage in her life.  Make sure you are involved if there are visits.  A lot depends on what stage she is in and the type of dementia she has. 

You said she is fine with cards and phone calls so there is no shame in reaching out to her close friends and letting them know about the move.  Tell them if they are interested in a visit to contact you and you'll arrange something.

You are her protector.

I totally understand what you are going through. Where my dad lives they provided a Alexa with the screen. He can make calls just by saying “call so and so” doesn’t even have to pick up a phone You just need a Amazon account, don’t have to pay. Just have to pay for the device. Google it. It’s great

HAve everyone continue to call your mom directly. Even tho she is moving, she will have the same phone number..

Have them continue to e mail your mom and you can access her e mail once a day or every other day then go over the e mails with your mom and let her tell you what to e mail back..

You could e mail using your mom's e mail, her new address to all family and friends.

Be sure to Speak to your mom about it to see what she thinks.

I sent out an email to close friends and family and “new address” cards to others. It presented as if he moved to an apartment. I didn’t overshare information with some individuals. My dad enjoyed receiving cards in the mail and telephone calls.

Oversharing info in a situation like this is probably not necessary. If people send her a card or note, that is kind. If they call her, they'll figure it out pretty quickly.

When I have seen extended family members who haven't seen mom in a while, I will mention to them that she is healthy and doing as well as can be expected. I also tell them she'd love a visit from them (she does not do well on the phone at all) and give them her address.

Depending on the person, I may let them know she has about a 10 minute window of lucidity before she begins to wander, verbally.

You don't have to say she is in Memory Care. An email to family should be enough. Cards to everyone else. Just say something like: Mom has a new address:

Orchard Gardens
2010 Locust Drive
Newark, DE xxxxx

She would love to hear from you.

If you think your mother would prefer it, perhaps you avoid saying ‘Memory Care’. Just say ‘Sunny Pastures’ or whatever, perhaps add that she has been thinking of this for some time because she knows she would enjoy the activities, and has just been waiting for Covid vaccinations.

For people that are not close, do not see her and it is only the occasional card you can send them your contact info and say they can get in touch with mom that way.
For close friends and family that are aware of your moms dementia give them the contact info, where she is and the address and if they are allowing visitors. And let them know that they can always contact you and you can pass on any mail or info if they would prefer that.
The thought that one would feel embarrassed if a friend got in touch with them after a move to memory care is sad. I would hope that it would bring understanding and compassion to the one visiting or contacting.