Hello,
I have been caring for my Dad going on about a year now. In the beginning my Mom would help, but now she moved like 30 minutes away and she just seem like she doesn't care anymore about helping. Mind you that is my Dad's WIFE and that's her HUSBAND and I am the child. They are still married but separated. Ironically she cares for her brother (and not her husband) when nothing is really wrong with him, she just wants the money and just like she is just sitting around waiting on my Dad to pass away.
I know that we are in a pandemic and no one can really go anywhere, but even when the world opens back up I feel like I still won't be able to just get some "me" time in. I am his full time 24/7, no days off caregiver and I love him to death and I feel like we are both getting attached, but I need some air from him period. No one else helps me in the family and I have siblings. I have just gotten immune to this situation and I was told to get a in home nurse, but the problem with that is that both my Dad and I will have to feel this nurse out and make sure that she can be trusted. I don't know anymore, but I just deal now.
How can I get some peace?
Thanks in advance.
6 Answers
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2) You can not do this all by yourself. In addition to paying you your dad should hire another caregiver to come in at least 2 days a week to give you a break. (3 or 4 days would be better)
3) as your dad declines will you be able to care for him? I should say can you SAFELY care for him? If not it might be time to look for Memory Care facilities. If mom resists his moving to memory care you might have to seek guardianship if she is not going to care for him.
A home nurse is probably not necessary but a caregiver is. If you hire someone through an agency the cost of a nurse would be outrageous.
Also ... because it is me responding have you thought about finding out if dad is eligible for Hospice? You would get supplies and equipment. You would get a Nurse that would come in 1 time a week to check on him (more often if it is needed) you would also have a CNA that would come 2 or 3 times a week to bathe him, help with other tasks as needed and order supplies. The CNA is there about 1 hour, 2 at most. But it would give you a break.
If dad is a Veteran the VA might have some help available as well. If you are not sure contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they will help you. (this service is free) They can let you know what your dad is eligible for. It may be a little help or a LOT but it is worth a call to find out.
I am caregiver to my spouse and I stay up 2 hours later every night to unwind - it really helps. Your Agency on Aging might have resources to share and your social service department where you live as well.
Find some movies you can have a good laugh with - keep in contact with this forum. They have some great contributors. Order a new something for yourself, take a bubble bath, give yourself a redo over. Lose yourself in a book.
Take care and you will find a solution.
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Your Dad would want you to live your own life is my guess. You have to make your own decisions. None will be without pain. Your Mom has already bowed out. That won't change. My guess is she stays married thinking there will be some benefit to her, esp if YOU can keep dad out of 24/7 care . Sorry. You are going to have to stand strong for yourself. I sure hope you have support. This is a lot of grief for you to bear.
I understand where you are coming from but you need help.
I would first see a lawyer about splitting your parents assets if they have any. There was a post a while back where its easier to take half the money out of savings and checking before filing for divorce than after. Meaning if Mom and Dad have joint accounts, he should take half now and open up a separate acct. It has been known that one spouse takes it all leaving the other spouse with no money. This is something I would consult with a lawyer about. Because u may want to reroute Dads SS payment. This may help in getting Medicaid services based on Dads income only.
If Dad can afford it, get an aide. Ask around, I had a great one I knew from Church. Even a few hours a day will give u time to yourself. If Dad can't afford it, try Medicaid for in home. You won't know if it will work if you don't try.