She has chosen not to treat for this and is in fact saying she has “cysts”. It is very bad at this point. Multiple tumors, dark red/purple in color all over the breast. Goes under her armpit. Hasn’t broken the skin yet, but hospice will wrap it if it seeps. She is still managing around her house. Where does this go from here? Does this cancer spread or metastasize? She has had this about a year. But it started as a pea-size lump that she was aware of in Jan of 2020. I’ve asked about this before on this site, but it was not as bad as it is now. It’s bad! Sorry for the repeat. I am in shock that she is not more debilitated. Her chf is declining slowly. She is also 11 yrs into her old pacemaker. Not sure it is even working anymore. I don’t know how she does it to be honest. (I’m keeping close tabs on her and so is hospice).
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Families often have a more difficult time accepting hospice then the patient does. Mom is 95 and is likely tired, loving her also means respecting her choices. She is ready to go even if you aren't ready to let her go.
If mom has signed on for Hospice, then she is choosing to approach the EOL with pain and anxiety management and she has accepted her inevitable death.
If she is managing well, in spite of all this, wow, just be grateful.
I think you are having a hard time accepting this--maybe you should be talking to the chaplain or whomever the Hospice uses for spiritual support.
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I feel she has inflammatory breast cancer. Whatever it is, I don’t know how she is coping with it. And I don’t know what to expect. CHF is one thing and this is a totally different story.....
Mom said she doesn’t want to have the “cysts” drained because she would have to go into the hospital for 3 days and she’s doesn’t want to do that. These are not “cysts”, but I’m not going to argue with her because I feel what she has is not treatable at this point anyway. She would never go for radiation or chemo even if it was offered.
As to her pacemaker, I assume again that since she's on hospice, the standard pacer checks aren't being given? She can have the pacer checked remotely. My father was provided with a transmission machine, and a device to be held over the pacer. Its status of performance could be judged by the cardiologist w/o his having to leave home.
This must be so hard on both of you; watching someone decline is a difficult experience.
I hope you are able to find answers which offer you some comfort.
My mother does not speak of her death. We have a wonderful spiritual advisor with hospice who I speak to. But my mother rarely goes to the topic of her own death. She is forever in the present. It is frustrating because I don’t know how she is truly feeling - emotionally, mentally or physically. She is always “fine”. What can I do with that? I want to have more compassion, but I can’t react how I really want to react at this important time in her life. In essence I can only live in the present with her and pretend everything is just peachy. I know better. I am treating for cancer for the past 4 yrs and I have had my moments. So I know what it’s like to be afraid. But she won’t go there. It’s like a big lie everyday. If anyone saw this breast like I did today, it would be shocking. I don’t know how she is managing with this terrible situation. How do you not talk about the 8 thousand pound elephant in the room?