My stepmother, who had mild dementia, had been taking care of my father since 2012 when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. During this COVID crisis, my cousin offered to keep an eye on my stepmother and father because he lives right down the road from them. My stepmother's dementia was getting worse but my cousin assured me that he would take good care of both of them.
My stepmother became our main concern after my father passed away in November. We immediately took her to a neurologist who confirmed that she also had Alzheimer's. We tried not to leave her alone very much then one night when she was over for dinner, she suddenly remembered that my cousin had taken my father and her to the lawyers over the summer, and she was pretty sure that he had them to sign everything over to him and his girlfriend. My stepmother was very distraught over this and blamed herself, but I assured her that this was not her fault.
Later the next day, I stopped at their house to see how she was doing, but she was nowhere to be found. My stepmother and a lot of her personal belongings (pictures and my dad's urn) were gone. It turns out that my cousin and his girlfriend wasted no time packing up her belongings and moving her in with them. My stepmother had either confronted them about the will or completely forgot about it because, from that point on he has not let us see or talk to her.
My cousin went and blocked us from her Facebook account and email, and when we tried calling, her phone goes straight to voicemail. We have left a number of messages but he must be screening them because she never returns our calls. He most likely turned off her cell phone, blocked our numbers, or took her phone away entirely. We had the police do a wellness check on my stepmother but she told them she was fine and was happy living there, and my cousin told the police that we were not allowed on his property.
My stepmother does not have any children of her own and everyone in her biological family has passed, so we are all that she has left. I know that my cousin has treated her well in the past, but recently I found out that he has been bad-mouthing my father's children for the past couple of years and trying to turn my father against us.
We are still grieving the loss of our father and I know that still wants us to be in our lives. People have suggested that we file for guardianship over her, but at the same time my cousin could turn around and do the same. I do not want any more turmoil and I am not going to force her to live with us. Her short-term memory is gone and she can't remember that she just asked us the same question less than a minute ago. She is so sweet but the time she has left is ticking away. How can I get visitation rights to be able to see my stepmother again, and how can I stop my cousin from trying to turn her against us. Please help!
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Unless you are upset about him getting everything, I would make it clear that you intend for them to get everything since they stepped up when there was a need. Be grateful and sincerely ask what is the issue, you're not trying to cause upset, you just want to speak with your stepmom.
Are you suspecting elder abuse? Are they great amounts of money at stake that the Cousin may be trying to get?
If you suspect there is abuse or elder abuse or fraud I would report the details to APS in your area. They will open a case. If they confirm law enforcement's report that she is well cared for and happy, you might just write a note to cousin saying you are relieved she is in care, and ask how you might be able to visit her. If she indeed has somewhat severe Alzheimer's now, she may not be your best reporter as to exactly what is going on.
I am assuming you have settled out your Father's estate? Or someone has. And that part of it is all done?
It's hard to get any handle on what could be happening here to tell the truth. I wish you good luck in sorting it out. I am hoping Cousin is on the up and up and knowing that she has Alzheimer's has now taken her in and provided a home for her. I am not certain how you can find that out, nor about who her POA is, or basically anything else. It is a bit too late now to get this information from her. Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us if you find anything out.
This was all accomplished during the Covid pandemic, 5 months before my father passed. My cousin and his girlfriend had volunteered to check in on them everyday and suggested that his children not visit them because they could be exposing my father and his wife to the virus. They seemed sincere as if they really cared about them, but in reality it was just a plot to try and keep his children away.
We have not yet settled my father’s estate. We will be contesting it because he had a will in 2018 where he had left everything to his wife and three children. Yes, my father is worth a few million dollars, and so is my stepmother. They made the mistake of having my cousin’s girlfriend do their taxes a few years back (she volunteered), and realized he had some money.
My father worked very hard for it and invested well. He lived a very frugal lifestyle and for it to all to be squandered away by his unemployed nephew is a tragedy. It is an even bigger tragedy that my cousin is keeping my stepmother away from the only family she knows and has. They don’t seem to understand how this is hurting her. Are there any laws that will allow us to be able to see her? No she is not my biological mother but she is still family.
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